To Kiss A Thief II
by Witchy Bee
Summary: AU: Jenji had one goal and that was to see her family again. She'd fight the battles, even the political ones, but her heart just wasn't in it. At least, it wasn't supposed to be.
1. Home

**A/N:** Well folks, here we are! The long awaited sequel to my other story. Now, for those of you who have not yet read To Kiss A Thief please do so or else you will be quite confused. As for the rest of you, thank you so much for your continued support!

And, as always, please review! Don't make me say it in French...err...Orlesian.

Note: Part of the letter is taken from the Codex entry: A Confidential Letter To The Warden-Commander.

Also, expect updates to be less frequent with school starting up again soon and such.

)O(

_"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road_

_Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go_

_So make the best of the test, and don't ask why_

_It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time."_

_- Green Day, Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)  
_

"I still don't understand why."

Jenji sighed and ran her hands through her hair for the fiftieth time that day. "Because, Daveth, I have been ordered to by this...First Warden person. He's like the omnipotent, all-knowing, Grey Warden and if he tells me to do something I have no choice."

"And he didn't care that you have a family to think about now?"

"I don't think he cares much about anything other than himself," she said, handing him a letter bearing the all too familiar griffin seal:

_Warden-Commander,_

_By now you are well aware that the Arling of Amaranthine has been granted to the order by your new king. We have since come to the conclusion that there is no one more suitable to rebuild what the Blight has claimed than the one who ended it. And so, it is my honor to be the first to congratulate you, Arlessa._

_The nominal leader of our order is the First Warden, but you can expect little assistance or guidance so far from the Anderfels. Even those close to Weisshaupt learn to suffer alone. The rumors are true-the First Warden is often embroiled in the politics of the Anderfels and has little opportunity to consider worldly matters. I would like to believe it is a matter of survival, and not political self-interest._

_Know that your mission is vital. You carry the hopes of our order. If the highest among us holds noble titles outside the Anderfels, perhaps we will be better situated when the next Blight comes, as we all know it must._

_Luck be with you,_

_- Ser Thomas Rayelle, secretary to the First Warden.  
_  
"Sounds nice, doesn't it?" Jenji asked, though he knew it was a rhetorical question. "I'm on thin ice with the Wardens as it is. They know we did something..._strange_ in order to survive, and they know I know. This is my way of paying my dues. In fact, if it wasn't for Adaia, they'd probably kill me just to be safe. So I guess I'm lucky."

"How long...?"

She looked away. "...I don't know. Three months, maybe more."

"Jenny..."

"I know!" she snapped, pacing around the room frantically. "Trust me, the very thought of leaving you and Ada for that long is killing me; but I have to do this."

"Okay," Daveth agreed. "If you really have to do this, then we'll make it work somehow."

"You can't come with me," she said, as if having read his thoughts.

"I understand."

"No you don't, but I appreciate it." The elf smiled. "I hate this as much as you do."

"Yeah, I know."

Somewhere in the house a baby started to cry.

)O(

After what could only be described as going away sex, Jenji slept peacefully. It was nice not to be jolted awake by nightmares or Adaia - who Kay had been generous enough to look after for the evening. Daveth was also enjoying a full night's sleep, something that had become quite rare for them in recent months.

And as much as she longed for this to last, there was something Jenji needed to do.

Reluctantly, she pulled away from the warmth of his arms, imagining how hard it would be to leave, especially since there was a good chance she wouldn't be coming back. But they didn't talk about that.

The chest contained things she'd hoped to give Adaia once she came of age, but maybe a little more blood wasn't so bad.

_Fang and Thorn..._

Something about the blades now made her skin crawl.

Of course there was also her Felon's Coat. It was the best - and perhaps most expensive - purchase she'd ever made.

Then there were her mother's boots...Mamae had made them for her before she was even born...and Father had given them to Jenji on her not-wedding day.

Yes, a little more bloodshed couldn't hurt.

For now though, she would leave the items until they were needed.

Ms. Kay looked up when she heard footsteps down the hall. Jenji was frowning.

"Honestly, Kay, are you _drinking_ while caring for my baby?" the elf demanded, half serious.

"No; I'm drinking while caring for...uh...five babes, not just yours." The old woman set the bottle aside and scowled.

If she didn't have the utmost confidence in Kay's ability, the elf would have been furious. But as it happened, she did.

"Well, how is she?" Cautiously, Jenji moved to look at the sleeping infant.

"Oh she's fine. Fell back asleep 'bout an hour ago." Kay replied. "I'll give you a moment alone if you like."

"Thank you." Once Kay had left the room, Jenji picked up her baby and held her close. Adaia stirred slightly but continued to dream.

The babe had grown surprisingly fast lately, and she tried to imagine her three months from now.

It felt like an eternity to be away from home.

Jenji wanted to say something at that moment, but she knew it wouldn't matter.

)O(

Many people whom Jenji hadn't even met came to see her off to Amaranthine.

But all she cared about where those she had.

"Now, Wynne is pretty busy at the palace, but she is available in case of emergency. Leliana is going away on some sort of Chantry business in a few weeks, but until then she's yours, day or night. And of course there's always Kay-"

"-I think I'll manage." Daveth smiled.

"Right; of course. Sorry, I'm just a little...nervous." Jenji admitted.

She was terrible at saying goodbye.

"Well, I would feel a lot better about this whole thing if you weren't going alone." he said.

"But I'm not."

"You're...not?"

"My Lady, I-"

"-_Erlina?_" Daveth exclaimed. "_Erlina_ gets to go with you?"

"Well it's more like she insisted, actually."

"My Lady, we really must be going." Erlina said.

"...Right."

Jenji allowed the other elf to lead her away, towards the ship. _Three months_, she told herself, _maybe less..._

"Are you all right, my Lady?" Erlina asked, seeming concerned.

"I told you to stop calling me that. Plenty of people will be calling me that soon enough anyway."

"I'm sorry."

Jenji sighed. "No, it's not you, Erlina. I just...have a bad feeling about this, you know?"

The bard nodded.

She attempted to get some rest before their arrival, her efforts in vain. Worries plagued her mind, not just for herself but Daveth and Ada and everyone else. Maybe some time away from it all would be a good thing. Not that it was a vacation by any means.

She'd overcome her fears before, faced foes and impossible odds, how much harder could this be?


	2. Familiarity

_"Familiarity is the root of the closest friendships and the intensest hatreds."_

By the time they stepped off the ship, dusk was beginning to set in. Heavy gray clouds hung over their heads, bringing with them the threat of rain.

It was a short walk to Vigil's Keep - Jenji's new home for the next few months - and she hoped it would be a silent one. The elf took in the crisp sea air for a moment before setting off down the path.

Erlina, of course, followed closely.

Jenji found herself glancing over her shoulder at the Orlesian from time to time, wondering for some reason what she was thinking of. How long since Erlina had been away from Denerim? How long had it been since she'd last left Orlais for that matter? Perhaps she had family somewhere, or a bard master who wanted her dead...

Whatever the answer, the other elf seemed absolutely captivated by the sights before them.

When at last they came to the castle a knight ran to greet them. She was young - too young in Jenji's opinion - and she looked relieved to see they had arrived; which of course usually meant something bad had happened.

That was when the Warden felt it.

The silence; the faint scent of blood and death on the wind; it all made sense now.

There was no question.

Sensing darkspawn did not come so much as a warning or feeling of danger as it did one of acceptance, kinship, and coming home again. She supposed then that's what the Calling really was: when the Grey Warden finally lacked the strength or will to fight it and the idea of joining _them_ became too compelling to resist, the song simply too beautiful...

Yet the very thought sent a shiver down her spine.

The whole world seemed to hold its breath...

Jenji could tell from the look on the knight's face that there were few, if any, survivors left within the keep's walls. The darkspawn were winning this battle, which meant they would have to move quickly. There would be time for questions later.

"Erlina," Jenji whispered, "I need you to get to safety. Send help if you can."

"No."

"What did you say?"

And there was that determination in her eyes again.

"I am not useless: I can defend myself. I will not stand by while you risk your life against Maker knows how many of those creatures. Give me a weapon, and I will fight."

"You said it yourself: I've killed an archdemon." Jenji pointed out.

"With an army at your back; I'm sorry, but I made a promise."

_Daveth..._

It was clever of him to send a former spy with her, but Maker help him if she made it out of this alive. How could he lie to her? For that matter, how could she not have seen this coming? Apparently Erlina was more cunning than she looked. That would teach Jenji never to underestimate a bard, a lesson she should have learned already.

But there was no time to argue.

They had to fight, and fight they did. These darkspawn weren't as organized as they had been during the Blight, but they were organized nonetheless. This wasn't just a random attack. That would be too coincidental.

Maybe the Wardens had somehow turned the darkspawn against her...deliberately sending Jenji into a trap.

Whatever the case, it looked like she wouldn't just be dealing with nobles this time, and it was definitely going to take more than three months to figure this one out.

Erlina _was_ useful, even unarmored as she was. _Looks really can be deceiving._

"Forgive me for not properly introducing myself earlier," the knight said once they had secured the outside of the castle. "My name is Mhairi, and I am a knight in King Alistair's service. I came here to become a Grey Warden; it's what I've wanted since I was a girl." _You practically still are. "_But then the darkspawn..."

"That's really fascinating, Mhairi, truly it is. But we have to kill them now." Jenji said a little harshly.

"Yes, Commander. I understand."

The title made her blink. It was the first time anyone had referred to her as such.

And so they pushed on, that is until they came to a scene that made Jenji stop short.

A man - obviously a mage - was killing darkspawn, or more specifically, burning them alive. And those weren't just darkspawn either, but also templars, several of them.

_He might even be useful..._

The mage turned and, upon realizing his audience, gave the most charming smile he could manage and said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Uh...I didn't do it."

_...Or maybe not._

"That's a shame," Jenji remarked, "especially since I find myself in need of skilled help."

The man grinned. "Well, I may have _thought_ about it, if it makes a difference. Not much else to do when you're being held against your will, except maybe plotting my next escape attempt."

"You're a prisoner?" The Warden raised an eyebrow.

"_Apostate_," Mhairi corrected, the word leaving her lips with a surprising amount of venom.

"Ah, that would explain the dead templars then."

He shrugged. "Yes, well, what can I say? The Circle...just never was my cup of tea. It's fine for some, but I've always preferred freedom myself."

"Sounds perfectly reasonable to me, but if no one takes care of this darkspawn problem you'll be dead anyway. So why not come with us?" Jenji suggested…much to her companions' dismay.

"Gorgeous _and_ brilliant, I see."

The elf was taken aback by his words. the worst part was she couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"And I don't suppose you're going to give us your name, mage?" Mhairi prompted, her eyes narrowed.

"They call me Anders, my lady, at your service."

"Well, I am Jenji. This is Ser Mhairi, and-"

"-Erlina Renard," the Orlesian cut in, curtsying. This earned her a snort from Mhairi who was not impressed at all. It was one of the only times Jenji had ever heard the bard speak without being spoken to first. It was also the first time she had ever heard her surname.

Anders nodded slowly, placing the names to their faces. "A pleasure," he said.

She would have to keep an eye on this one.

)O(

The last thing she expected as they made their way through Vigil's Keep was to see anything, let alone _anyone_, familiar.

But, there was Oghren, drunk as ever and still decapitating genlocks with astounding precision.

"'Bout sodding time you turned up, Warden. And how's the little Blighter doin' these days?"

"Adaia is doing fine, Oghren." Jenji replied reluctantly. Talking about her daughter made her miss Ada that much more.

"And why are you here?" she asked him.

"You never were much for small talk," the dwarf observed. "Anyway, I thought I'd try my hand at becomin' a Grey Warden."

That was the last thing she had expected to hear him say.

"But...why?"

"Well...now that the Blight's over and all...I figure I can still do some good, y'know? I do owe ya a lot...and seein' as how you need Wardens...why not?" He shifted awkwardly and tried not to meet her eyes. She knew there was something he wasn't telling her.

"I can think of a few good reasons," Anders muttered. But Oghren knew what being a Warden meant. Unlike some, namely Mhairi, he knew it wasn't all glory and forging legends...far from it.

He had probably seen some of them go to their Calling in the Deep Roads...

And so their odd little group gained one more. This was familiar.

_Darkspawn who talk_...?

That's what the dying man had said. Rowland was his name; a friend of Mhairi's apparently.

Talking darkspawn was something she'd never seen before, unless you were to count the archdemon that is. But there was no archdemon this time, there couldn't be, she had watched the light leave its eyes...and yet her mind was haunted by thoughts of 'what if?' and Morrigan's ritual.

Maybe the Old God wasn't really gone, or maybe it was something else entirely.

She hoped it had nothing to do with that night, because if so, there was no one she could tell.

They were suddenly on the roof of the castle...and her blood froze when she heard the darkspawn speak. It looked more human than most who were infected with the taint usually did.

And it had taken a hostage.

For the first time since that fateful day, Jenji felt fear...and panic.

"It has ended, just as he foretold." the creature said.

And she knew she had to fight, but somehow Jenji couldn't bring herself to focus, let alone move.

It all came back to her in a wave of terrible familiarity. Her mind locked in the confines of her skull, rendered useless. The fear gripped her and would not relent, turning her heart into a block of ice and her bones to dust...

She could feel herself falling...or perhaps...drowning...

The next thing Jenji remembered was Anders, covered in blood - some of it his own no doubt - and the comforting blue glow of healing magic. She was certain the others couldn't be too far away.

Jenji could see their lips moving but the words held no meaning to her anymore. Everything was shifting too fast, faces became a blur, the words turning to static and then silence.

She fell from the edge of the world...

...and for a moment...was free.

)O(

Jenji awoke with a start, drenched in a cold sweat. But this was a different kind of nightmare; familiar yet somehow changed.

For one sweet moment she forgot where she was.

But then the elf remembered the ship to Amaranthine, the darkspawn taking over Vigil's Keep, and of course the one who could talk...

So this must be her room then, and this must be her bed. Someone had taken the liberty of removing her armor and replaced it with a soft white nightgown.

Never once had she blacked out before, not even upon seeing the archdemon for the first time in the Deep Roads. Which she knew meant that either her body just wasn't used to this after so much time, or she was beginning to get worse.

Jenji took a deep breath and prayed it was the former. Her head hit the pillow once more and she stared up at the ceiling. _Maker, if this is my punishment for not being killed by the archdemon, I'm truly sorry._

One of Jenji's worst fears had been realized: her companions would know how weak she really was, and it seemed she was only getting weaker.

"Erlina, you've been hovering in the doorway for I don't even know how long," she said wearily. "What is it?"

The Orlesian jumped slightly at the sudden acknowledgment of her presence. Nothing got passed Jenji. How did she think the Warden had survived for this long?

"My...erm...Commander, I came to inform you that the king has arrived from Denerim. He wishes to speak with you as soon as possible, if you are feeling up to it of course."

He was probably here because of the darkspawn. And as Warden-Commander it was her responsibility to deal with such things. In truth, it was more a matter of how much she dreaded the idea of dealing with the others after what happened. Of course that was assuming Anders hadn't already been taken by the templars yet, Mhairi was the type to believe anything she was told, and Oghren...well he was like family now.

So maybe this didn't have to be so bad after all.

That thought would carry her home.


	3. Prison

**A/N:** You know what to do, folks. Reviews make me happy, and happy writers tend to write more fanfic and less poetry, which is good news for you! :)

Note: Erlina's poem is called Mists and Rains (Brumes et pluies) by Charles Baudelaire.

)O(

_"No one is free; even the birds are chained to the sky."_

_- Bob Dylan_

At first, she hardly recognized Alistair.

He was clad in the same gaudy golden armor as Cailan had been, and she actually had to remind herself that this man was her best friend and not the ghost of a dead king.

People who had known King Maric in life probably had to do the same, she thought.

Alistair approached, smiling, something she got the impression that he hadn't done in quite some time.

Mhairi was the only one of them who knelt before the king.

"Your Majesty," Jenji smirked.

"You still get some kind of sick pleasure out of this, don't you?"

"I think it's perfectly justified," she teased. "Anyway, how is kingly life treating you?"

He thought for a moment, even though she knew to expect a joke. "Oh, it's not too bad. There's plenty of cheese." His voice dropped lower as if he were about to tell her a secret. "And, if I'm _really_ good, Arl Eamon lets me have a whole hour of outside time."

"Wow." Jenji nodded, a smile tugging at her lips. "You want to trade?"

He laughed. "Believe me, that sounds simply marvelous right now. I do rather miss the whole darkspawn killing thing." _I don't,_ she thought to herself.

"I could always Conscript you," she suggested jokingly. "You're already a Warden so that would save some time."

But they both knew they had to be serious.

"Speaking of darkspawn killing," he continued, "what happened here?"

It was Mhairi who filled the king in on the events. Everything from the creatures swarming in from the lower levels of the keep as well as every other direction to the talking darkspawn they'd found on the roof, and of course the suspicion that it was in fact and organized assault.

By the end of her report, Alistair was frowning once more.

"As much as I would like to help you," he said to Jenji, "I'm afraid the only thing I can do now is send my most capable soldiers to Amaranthine until this matter is settled." She still thought she could see a glint of jealousy in his eye. "Talking darkspawn...that's not something you see everyday." He then gave Jenji a letter. "Oh, by the way, Wynne told me to give this to you before I left the palace."

"That is not the only matter that must be addressed, your Majesty." A woman who Jenji took to be a templar announced. Could women even become templars?

"And what might that be, Ser Rylock?" Alistair asked.

"Your Majesty, this man is a dangerous criminal!"

The king smiled slightly. "Well the dwarf's a bit of an ass but I don't know if I'd go _that_ far."

"Thanks, pike-twirler." Oghren said.

"How dare you speak to the king in such a-" Mhairi began to scold him, but Anders spoke up, silencing them all.

"She means _me_." He groaned, clearly not thrilled with the prospect of going through this again. Escape attempts were only fun for so long, after all, and Jenji knew that deep down he probably did fear the templars.

Unless Jenji intervened, this Ser Rylock person would take Anders back to the Tower. It would mean avoiding the inevitable and awkward conversation regarding what had happened on the roof tonight. But she needed a mage, especially a healer, and she knew that without him they never could have defeated those darkspawn. So in a way she supposed she owed him.

"I will take this apostate into the custody of the Chantry to be returned to the Tower where he will be punished."_  
_

"No!" Suddenly everyone was looking at her. "Uh, I mean, I hereby invoke the Grey Warden's Right of Conscription." _I've always wanted to do this._

Alistair would allow it of course. He could see that Anders was not some maleficar or abomination. He trusted her judgment. And after all, Jenji had been Conscripted, despite that fact that she was a wanted murderer at the time.

Though Rylock was furious there was little she could do. Anders himself was visibly relieved.

As they headed back towards Vigil's Keep, he looked back and did the only mature thing one could in that situation: he looked the templar right in the eye, and stuck his tongue out.

Jenji quickly read the letter Alistair had delivered:

_Missing you already._

_Love,_

_- Daveth and Ada, Wynne, Leliana, Kay & the children._

)O(

There was no time before the Joining in which to return to her room or clear her head, and so Jenji gathered the three recruits in the main hall, or perhaps it was more of a throne room, but she was just too modest for that sort of thing.

_Add lyrium, darkspawn blood, one drop of the blood of an archdemon - very important - stir slowly..._

Seneschal Varel was apprehensive about her conducting the ritual alone, but she was the Warden-Commander now, and thus it was her duty.

Not to mention, Jenji had only met this man a few minutes ago, and didn't exactly trust him yet...especially not with _this_. He seemed no worse for wear after having been tortured by the talking darkspawn however.

Apparently it was his job to make sure things within the Arling ran smoothly; which of course translated into him keeping tabs on the way she chose to rule the lands. It was nice to have an adviser though.

As Jenji spoke, memories of her own Joining flashed through her mind, and the dreams - the _nightmares_ - that had followed.

Someone was going to die tonight.

"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant." Mhairi did not even blink. "Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn." Anders seemed worried. "And should you parish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten; and that one day...we...shall join you."

There were no more words. It was time.

Since Mhairi had been waiting all her life for this opportunity, this moment, so Jenji figured she could stand to wait a little longer.

"Anders, step forward."

After a witty comment - he refused to believe these could be his last words - the mage brought the chalice to his lips. Then he fainted in much the same way a woman might, she thought.

But remarkably he was alive.

"Mhairi, step forward."

"I will make you proud, Commander." _We'll see about that._

Something was wrong.

As soon as she had taken a drink from the chalice, the young knight choked and began to cough up blood. Her eyes were wide but she did not see Jenji shaking her head sadly, because she knew the woman was just too far gone, the Warden had seen this once before. She watched as Mhairi crumpled at her feet, desperately gasping for air as the void closed in around her.

"I am sorry, Mhairi."

The room was still.

"I'm gonna miss that great rack o' hers." Oghren said mournfully.

Jenji sighed. The Joining was not yet complete. She wanted to ask him if he was absolutely sure this was what he wanted, it wasn't tradition, but how would anyone ever find out? It served no purpose, however, she knew what his answer would be anyway, 'Sure as the Stone, Warden.'

"Oghren, step forward."

He gulped down what little remained in the chalice, belched, and said that dwarven ale wasn't much better. Then he too passed out, falling to the floor like a stone; a familiar sight indeed.

And he lived.

Jenji allowed herself to breathe again. It was done. She surveyed the place, her gaze fixed on the two unconscious men and one dead woman.

Slowly, Anders opened his eyes and looked around, slightly dazed.

"Welcome," Jenji said curtly before turning on her heel and exciting the room.

Varel was waiting outside the door, no doubt eager to know the results.

"Seneschal, do you know where Ser Mhairi hails from?"

"No, Commander, I'm sorry to say I do not." he replied.

"Well could you find out for me then? Her family deserves to know what has happened here. They have a daughter to mourn."

Varel's face fell. "I understand, Commander, as you wish."

She thanked him and went back to her quarters, suddenly exhausted. She decided tomorrow was a new day.

)O(

" ... Ô fins d'automne, hivers, printemps trempés de boue,  
Endormeuses saisons! je vous aime et vous loue  
D'envelopper ainsi mon coeur et mon cerveau  
D'un linceul vaporeux et d'un vague tombeau.

Dans cette grande plaine où l'autan froid se joue,  
Où par les longues nuits la girouette s'enroue,  
Mon âme mieux qu'au temps du tiède renouveau  
Ouvrira largement ses ailes de corbeau.

Rien n'est plus doux au coeur plein de choses funèbres,  
Et sur qui dès longtemps descendent les frimas,  
Ô blafardes saisons, reines de nos climats,

Que l'aspect permanent de vos pâles ténèbres,

— Si ce n'est, par un soir sans lune, deux à deux,

D'endormir la douleur sur un lit hasardeux."

The sound of Erlina's voice, apparently reciting a poem in Orlesian, roused Jenji from her sound sleep. Her eyes found the other elf staring out the window at the foggy morning sky.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" she asked.

"No," Jenji replied. "It was nice. Could you translate it?"

Erlina thought about the request. "I'm not sure I know how," she admitted. "Besides, poetry is best understood in the language it was written. Do you disagree?"

"I suppose not. It's still nice though."

From then on, Jenji would continue to awaken to the sound of Erlina's Orlesian poetry. It was easy to get used to, and it was nice, even if she could never fully understand.

After breakfast, she was led to the dungeon to determine the fate of a prisoner. There was something familiar about him. The guards had worked him over pretty good once they'd managed to catch him, but if she ignored the cuts and bruises, Jenji could almost make it out.

"So you're my father's murderer," the man said. "Strange...somehow I didn't picture you so...small and elven...and female."

"Yeah, I get that a lot." the elf replied. "But I've been busy stopping the Blight. Many people have died at my hand. Remind me again who your father was."

"I'll give you a hint," his voice rose as he moved close enough to the bars of the cell for her to see his face clearly. There was no mistaking the resemblance now. "My family ruled these lands for generations until you killed-"

"-Howe…" Jenji finished for him, recalling the rage that had overcome her as she strangled his father.

"Yes. My name is Nathaniel, and I know who you are. They see you as a hero, but imagine my surprise when I returned from the Free Marches - penniless - only to learn that I was now hated for something I didn't even do. Not only that, but the woman who destroyed my family apparently didn't think that was enough, and so had to take my home as well."

"You think I wanted to be here?"

"What am I supposed to think?" Nathaniel questioned. "I came here to kill you; but then I realized I just wanted to get back some of my family's things..."

She felt a pang of empathy for this man.

"You...you have no idea, do you?" Erlina accused him, unable to remain silent any longer. "Your father was a...un misérable petit ver, une excuse pathétique pour un homme! Les choses qu'il n'a été incroyablement mal, si méchant...!"

"Anders, would you please escort Erlina upstairs?"

The bard backed away from him. "Fiche moi le paix!" she cried. But eventually the mage was able to calm her enough for her to go peacefully, still babbling in what sounded like angry Orlesian.

"What do you wish to be done with the prisoner, Commander?" Seneschal Varel asked her.

Jenji looked Nathaniel directly in the eye. "What would you do if I were to let you go?"

"Like I said, I came here to kill you, and just because I didn't doesn't mean I won't." he said honestly. "If you let me go, I'll probably come back, and you might not catch me next time," _I highly doubt that._ _Your father wasn't so lucky._

"You're not making a very good case for yourself, you know." Jenji remarked.

"Would you prefer I lie? What would that accomplish? I already have nothing. We both know how this will end." _We'll see about that..._

She had made her decision. Turning to Varel, she declared, "Let him go; he's not his father."

Silence…

"Commander...you would allow a thief to get away without punishment, and keep the things he stole?"

"Yes, I would."

After having convinced him that she hadn't gone completely insane, Jenji returned to her room to prepare for this evening. A ceremony was to be held for all the nobles to pledge their allegiance to her as the new Arlessa. It was nothing more than a formality of course.

She found Erlina asleep on the bed. It was a deep sleep, like one who had been affected by a powerful sedative or maybe a spell. Jenji supposed she couldn't blame the bard for her outburst, after all Nathaniel did look so much like the man who had tried to ruin her life. But Jenji could tell he was different, and hadn't she killed Rendon Howe because of what he did to the Alienage elves?

Someone must decide when vengeance had run its course.

She could have Conscripted Nathaniel.

Decisions, decisions…

That's when Jenji realized she wasn't alone.

"Hello, Anders." she cleared her throat. "Is there something you need?"

"I just wanted to..._talk_ about...last night…when you..." He didn't have to finish the sentence. They both knew exactly what he was referring to.

"We don't really have to talk about this, do we?" She sighed, sitting down on the bed beside the sleeping Erlina. Anders shut the door behind him and waited. "All right, fine, you want the truth? It just happens sometimes...mostly when I'm...scared or...it just happens. I...can't really explain because I don't fully understand it myself; Wynne used to say...Well, it doesn't matter. Now you know, and you can tell me all about what a better leader you'd be than I, and you'd probably be right."

"Commander I-I didn't mean to upset you..." he said quietly. "And I don't think I'd be a better leader. I mean, if it weren't for you I'd be on my way back to the Tower so..."

"Being a leader is a kind of prison, you know. I'm not free, and maybe I shouldn't say this when it's already too late, but being a Grey Warden is also a kind of prison. I didn't give you a choice, and I admit that wasn't fair to you, but I didn't get one either. There are things...that will be explained in the months to come...Eventually you get used to it, strange as it sounds, there's a point when you almost can't imagine anything else. You can try to have a normal life but...well, I'm here, aren't I?" She chuckled bitterly, like one laughs when irony is laughing at them. "My point is; it's not like the Tower because to anyone else you appear to be free. You may be hailed as a hero but it's that sacrifice part that hangs over your head. 'In death, sacrifice' they say...but I don't care if my death has meaning, I just don't want to die...I didn't want to die, is that so wrong? Why is the Maker punishing me?"

She could feel herself breakdown. This was a man she hardly knew, and yet she was sharing things about herself that could only be told to one other person, she had thought.

Anders was speechless. He went over her words again and again and each time they made even less sense.

"I..."

"It's just been a rough couple of days, okay?" Jenji said wearily. "I think I'd like to be alone before I have to go and act like I'm a proper lady in front of the nobility."

Anders glanced over at Erlina. "Do you want me to...?"

"No," Jenji replied. "She's dead to the world - you did good - I'll just let her sleep it off. Honestly I think it would probably be best if she weren't there for the ceremony anyway since chances are there will be _someone_ who is still loyal to Arl Howe."

Once he had gone Jenji tried to compose a letter, but her mind was racing with the events of the last two days, making it impossible for her to concentrate. In the end she laid down beside Erlina and listened to the rain, allowing herself to dream for a little while longer. Varel would wake her up when the guests had arrived.

And then the real adventure could begin.


	4. Understanding

**A/N:** This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Esther Earl, an amazing 16-year-old who died earlier this week after a long battle with cancer. May she Rest In Awesome.

)O(

_"Words aren't overwhelming me; they're just going in my brain and I contemplate them, and then I decide I don't need them, so I throw them away."_

_- Esther Grace Earl_

All things considered, the ceremony was fairly uneventful.

Sure, she would have to keep a close watch on that Esmerelle, the Bann of Amaranthine who was still fiercely loyal to the late Arl. And Alistair best send the soldiers he had promised soon lest things start to get out of hand. But, as per usual, Jenji would probably end up doing everything herself anyway.

And of course there was the self-titled Mistress Woolsey, apparently sent from Weisshaupt to aid in the financial elements of the Arling. Wasn't the First Warden supposed to be too wrapped up in his own political affairs to give two stones about what she did anyway? Not if there was gold involved it seemed. Because Maker forbid an elf becomes Arlessa and suddenly has access to more than a few coppers, let alone an entire treasury, and the whole social order goes awry. And darkspawn start talking...

It was truly remarkable how they actually thought she hadn't heard the rumors.

Nothing ever got passed Jenji, and that is how she liked it.

Sighing, she entered her room. Erlina was still asleep, or sedated, which was not really surprising since Jenji couldn't have been gone more than hour or so. She slipped on her nightgown and climbed in bed beside the bard. Unfortunately, sleep did not come, at least not for some time.

The silence of the keep was frustrating. Jenji had gotten used to falling asleep with some sort of noise, whether it be the rest of her companions moving about the camp or the occasional small cry of one of Ms. Kay's infants. All she had now was the rain dripping off the eves and the rhythmic sound of Erlina's breathing.

_Drip, drip, drip...breathe..._

Her mind simply refused to rest.

Eventually the Warden's thoughts wandered back to Nathaniel, the prisoner she had released. Where was he now? For whatever reason she didn't think much of his threats on her life. Sure, he had a motive, but she could tell he was just a broken man with something to prove and a lot to mourn. He didn't really want to harm her, but simply the idea of her, the image of a murderer he'd built up in his head. When the reality did not lived up to what Nathaniel had been expecting, he must have decided it wasn't worth it. There were better things to die for in this world than revenge.

Yes, there had been nights after Zevran joined their party that she'd slept with one eye open, for a few weeks...

...Where was he now?

Jenji willed that thought away.

Instead she focused on things around her to alleviate the the boredom of wakefulness. The room was dark save for the silver beams of moonlight streaming in from the window, thus Jenji had only one subject in which to focus her restless thoughts: Erlina.

She fancied herself a pretty good judge of character, but somehow the Orlesian remained a mystery. Try as she might, there were still times when Jenji honestly had no idea what the other elf was thinking or feeling, and it bothered her. Erlina had gone from being an acquaintance - and Anora's servant - to her own, and now she had even become something of a friend.

An odd feeling washed over her then as Jenji realized she had no idea where she would be if it weren't for Erlina. What if she hadn't revealed Anora's lies in front of the entire Landsmeet? Surely they would have lost to Loghain, been imprisoned or executed, and the Blight would have swallowed all of Ferelden with no one to stop it.

So the bard was sort of a hero, too. They all had their parts to play...

Yet she wondered if deep down Erlina regretted betraying her lady's trust, even though Anora was already double-crossing them. Maybe the former queen looked at the stars, locked up in a dungeon or tower somewhere guarded by a fearsome dragon like in one of Leliana's tales, and wondered the same thing...

With that Jenji drifted off to sleep, only to wake an undetermined amount of time later, somewhat startled by the half-formed thought that she had forgotten something of vital importance. But at least this time she remembered where she was.

And she noticed that Erlina, too, was awake now. The Orlesian blinked several times before turning her face to the Warden, eyes wide as memories of yesterday came back to her like a flood, accompanied by the strange realization that she was lying in Jenji's bed. Erlina moved to get up and return to her own quarters down the hall, but froze suddenly when a hand reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Stay," Jenji said, voice just a little higher than a whisper. _Please?_

She didn't want to be alone.

And perhaps the light of the moon made her skin appear paler than normal or her perhaps it was the way her eyes pleaded, because Erlina just smiled softly and instead moved closer.

Jenji took a deep breath and turned away, facing the stars.

When she awoke the next morning, there was no poetry. Erlina was once again fast asleep, and appeared more content than Jenji ever thought possible.

)O(

Today, having no prior obligations aside from clearing the Pilgrim's Path of darkspawn, Jenji decided to explore the city that she now ruled.

Amaranthine was of course considerably smaller than Denerim, but it had everything one could ask for in a city; a chantry, a tavern, merchants; no brothel though. Not that she saw the need for one, it was just an observation.

Apparently there had been some problems with smugglers lately. Jenji didn't quite put them in the same category as thieves, since generally smugglers were in the business strictly to make money they didn't really need. They were no better than nobles who got a kick out of seeing how far they could bend the law without getting caught. Despicable...

Plus, she had to approach this from the point of view of Arlessa. Did she really want to appear to condone such activities? Of course not. Otherwise all elves could kiss the idea of one day holding noble titles goodbye, and Jenji might as well announce to all of Thedas that the stereotypes about her people were in fact true. No, that just wasn't acceptable; she was doing this for Shianni's sake.

That's when Jenji noticed someone familiar walking towards her, and drew her daggers.

"Wait, don't...stab me." Nathaniel Howe said, swallowing his pride. "I'm not here to kill you. I just want to...talk; please."

"I believe you," she decided, against her better judgment. "But remember: this is the blade I used to slay the archdemon. Try anything, and you will be next."

He was unarmed, so unless he was also a complete fool, it was pretty unlikely he was going to try anything. Still, better safe than sorry, as they say.

Nathaniel was probably wondering when he became the bad guy in this situation.

"I understand..." He seemed almost nervous. The dagger had a tendency to do that to people, even her. "You've no reason to trust me. I wanted you dead and yet you let me walk away despite the possibility that I'd come back to finish what I had started. They were going to hang me as soon as you gave the order, but you didn't. Why?"

"You risked your life and freedom to ask a question you already know the answer to? Like I told Varel; you are not your father. Anyone with eyes could see that." _He does look an awful lot like him though._

"I see..." An awkward silence passed between them. He wasn't sure whether or not he should take that as a compliment. "I guess I should thank you then...You're still my father's murderer but...you're certainly not what I expected."

"Again, I get that a lot."

_We think our parents are immortal_, Jenji mused to herself, _until one day an elven woman - or in my case eight city guards - changes everything._

What would she say to the man who gutted Mamae in the middle of the Alienage twelve years ago?

"I'll probably regret this," he went on, "but I would like to join your cause. That's assuming you'll accept someone who almost tried to kill you under your command." _It wouldn't be the first time..._

"If you travel with me," the elf said seriously, "you'll have to become a Warden. No exceptions." _Besides Erlina that is._

Strange...she had given Nathaniel the chance Duncan didn't give her: to walk away. And yet he came crawling back, practically begging to join the Wardens..._very_ strange.

But whether she liked it or not Jenji needed more recruits. This man already didn't like her and yet he was offering his assistance. Who was she to turn anyone away? And there was always the possibility that he wouldn't survive the Joining.

"That's...fine. In fact, that's actually sort of what I wanted. Maybe as a Grey Warden I can redeem my family's honor, or at least try to...move on. Not that this makes us friends now or anything."

"Nope, you don't even have to like me." Jenji confirmed. "But you can't try to kill me either."

"Fair enough..."

"Then welcome home." she said.

And just like that, an enemy became an ally, and maybe one day even a friend.

Nathaniel's Joining went smoothly. Jenji didn't know if she was happy or not, having gone into it without really knowing which outcome she was hoping for. Still, part of her at least was glad he was alive.

Erlina was not pleased.

"How could you recruit that...that _man_?" she demanded.

Jenji really wasn't in the mood for this.

"He wanted to help and had no place else to go. Sound familiar?"

The Orlesian pursed her lips. "You...you would _dare_ compare him to me?" Her voice was rising, hands shaking with rage.

"No; but I don't think it's fair to judge someone based on the crimes of their families. The dwarves do that and just look where it's got them. Why, even the most devout Maker-loving elf is judged unfairly simply because their ancestors were so-called 'heretics'."

"Fine!" Erlina relented with a defeated moan. "This doesn't mean I have to be friends with him now, does it?"

"No," Jenji smiled. "But you can't try to kill him either."

)O(

It was official: Jenji hated the wilderness.

Just like in the Brecillian Forest, the Wending Wood had an abundance of sylvans. But instead of werewolves, there were darkspawn.

The Pilgrim's Path led through the forest, so the only way trade could resume was if she dealt with the roving miniature hordes.

It didn't help that there just happened to be other things trying to kill her.

For one, a lone Dalish elf, perhaps the Keeper's First judging from her ability to animate the trees...But what was she doing all alone? She'd said something about merchants kidnapping her sister...

They chased the woman through the woods, killing all the darkspawn and living trees blocking their path.

"Still haven't given up, I see." the Dalish mage remarked. "How many times do you have to get attacked until you start to realize you're not wanted here?"

"I bet you've been told you aren't wanted a lot of places, but that's never stopped you." Jenji replied.

"Don't try to pretend we have anything in common, flat-ears."

She recoiled slightly at the insult, apparently not numb to it anymore. "You're right...I have forgotten what it means to be elven. There were times after Mamae's death that I wanted to run off and join a Dalish clan. There's not a city elf who hasn't thought about it at least once. But even if the opportunity had presented itself, I couldn't leave my family behind."

"That's a very sad story," she said sardonically, "but if you'll excuse me I really can't afford to have you wasting any more of my time."

"Wait!" Jenji called, and to her surprise the elf stopped. "Why not join me? I'll help find your sister if you help me fight the darkspawn."

"Why would you want to help me?" Her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Jenji smiled innocently and said, "We elves have to stick together."

Oghren wasn't too happy, but other than that Velanna fit right in. And the quick-tempered Dalish would prove to be an asset in battle.

The darkspawn had set up a base in the Silverite Mines, so naturally that was to be their next stop.

"I apologize for what I must do...I do not wish to be your enemy." the darkspawn told her. "But now is not the time for this. Rest..."

What Jenji didn't expect was to wake up in a prison cell wearing nothing but her smallclothes. Her companions didn't fair much better either. Clearly they had made it to the Mines, just not in the way they had hoped. Now they found themselves as prisoners in this dismal place, devoid of color save for shades of faded gray and blood red.

_Blood...?_

They would need to escape, but more importantly, they needed to figure out why they were here.

This was shaping up to be a long day.


	5. Silence

**A/N:** I took a little creative liberty here, folks. Because are we really supposed to believe they don't have toy horses at the Amaranthine market? Please review!

Note: Because I believe in giving credit where credit is due; the poem is called Evening Twilight (Le Crépuscule du soir) also by Charles Baudelaire.

)O(

_"Saying nothing...sometimes says the most."_

_- Emily Dickinson_

This was just becoming more and more odd.

Apparently 'The Architect' had taken her blood, as well as that of her companions, for some sort of research. He was probably another talking darkspawn…though the idea that there were more of them was not of much comfort.

But what could he want Grey Warden blood for?

The questions didn't stop there, because The Architect had also taken Velanna's sister, but she was nowhere to be found.

By the time they found their equipment all Jenji cared about was getting out of here. It took a while to locate her daggers, as the darkspawn had apparently constructed some kind of shrine for them...

The light of day was a welcomed sight indeed.

Jenji was so thrilled to be out of the Mines that she did not notice when Velanna started to casually walk away.

"Uh, Velanna...?" Nathaniel, however, did notice.

The elf whiled around and glared at him. "What?" she demanded.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to look for Seranni, since you people are completely incompetent."

There was a tense silence.

"That's not fair." Jenji said quietly. "We had a deal."

The Dalish frowned. "Yes, we did, and you failed to uphold your end."

"No." the Warden insisted. "In case you haven't noticed there are still darkspawn out there, and one of them - this Architect - has your sister." She paused. "You can't return to your clan, can you? Come with us. We'll find him, kill him, and get Seranni back."

The mage considered her words. Strength in numbers, that was the Dalish way...But what did this city elf know about that? What did she know of her clan or whether Velanna could go back or not? Of course, the Dalish elf knew she was being given a choice. She could walk away, that was her right, but there was something keeping her here...something had made her turn around...something made her say, "It's a deal."

Jenji smiled. Velanna was a connection to her people's past. True, Mamae had been more of a progressive Dalish - she certainly couldn't picture Velanna ever living in an Alienage - but it was something.

As they made their way out of the forest, the Dalish mage fell silent. Perhaps she was beginning to doubt whether or not they really would fine her sister, or maybe the implications of what she had just agreed to had finally dawned on her. Or maybe she was just the silent type, like Sten.

Jenji shivered and eyed the other woman suspiciously. Old scars still hurt.

"What are you staring at?"

"Your vallaslin," she said, but of course it was a lie.

Velanna snorted. _Where did you learn such a big word?_

"You know, I find tattoos on women _very_ sexy." Anders quipped. "Do you have any, Commander?"

"I do," she replied, humoring him. "But that's as much as you're ever going to find out about that."

He smiled deviously. "So; gorgeous, brilliant, _and_ mysterious..."

It was innocent flirting, nothing more. He _did_ know she was married...didn't he?

The rest of the journey back to Vigil's Keep was made in silence.

)O(

The keep had a bit of a darkspawn infestation.

This did explain how they were able to mount such a successful attack, and was likely due to a entrance to the Deep Roads somewhere in the basement. And of course, it was left to Jenji to deal with it.

Velanna had yet to regain consciousness after her Joining, so it was up to the others to handle the pests.

A wounded Mabari emerged from the shadows. It had a note pinned to its collar from a woman named Adria, who according to Nathaniel, was like a mother to him.

"We'll find her." Jenji assured him. _If she's still alive, that is._ "But we can't leave the hound here alone, especially injured. Anders, can you do anything?"

"Bloody Fereldens and their dogs," Oghren muttered. "It's just like Anders and that damn cat."

"Hey, you leave Ser Pounce-a-lot out of this!" the mage ordered._  
_

The dog growled when Anders tried to touch her, but eventually understood that he was only trying to help. Having Jenji nearby seemed to comfort the hound. Adria's Mabari also looked at Nathaniel with something like recognition in her eyes.

"She's worried about Adria," Jenji said. And so they carried on, fighting ghouls and darkspawn until finally they came to the lower levels of the keep where they found her.

But it was too late.

She had become a ghoul. Adria stared at them with bloodshot eyes, letting out a horrible, inhuman shriek. She had on no armor, but put up a fight nonetheless. A cold sort of silence fell as the creature was slain.

"Adria..." Nathaniel breathed, wondering why he had to lose everyone close to him.

The whimper of a Mabari caught everyone's attention. The hound lay down beside her mistress' body and refused to move.

"I know, girl." Jenji soothed, petting the dog. She had a feeling the last person who could offer any words of comfort right now would be his father's murderer, and so she remained silent, focusing on the Mabari instead.

There was still the matter of the cave-in though. Large stones blocked their path, possibly trapping darkspawn within which could become a problem later. And if they led to the Deep Roads...well that would be even worse.

"Can you clear the rubble?" Jenji asked Voldrik Glavonak, a master stonemason.

He scoffed. "I can do more than that. I could make this place look like it was new. See, these humans don't know the first thing about stone. They use it but never think about how it will hold up against time and darkspawn. No, what you need is something else...I'm thinking...granite." he said. "That is, if you don't want the keep to crumble at the slightest breeze, let alone an assault. But it'll cost you."

"Name your price."

"About eighty sovereigns should do it. I'll need more workers if you want this done in a timely fashion."

That was a lot of gold to invest...and she did have her eye on that dagger, what was it called? The Voice of Velvet…? Yes, that was it.

"Oghren, what do you think?" she asked. The dwarf seemed confused by the question, then insulted.

"Huh? Oh I get it, just because I'm a dwarf I know everything about stone, eh?"

"No; I just meant...well you would probably know more about this kind of thing than I would..."

"Yeah Warden," Oghren said seriously. "He knows what he's talkin' about. Granite's probably your best bet. O' course, anything's better than what ya got now..."

"All right," she declared. "Eighty sovereigns it is then." Nothing was more important than the restoration of the Vigil. Or at least, it was more important than a new weapon in her opinion.

)O(

That night, Jenji went to Oghren's room for two reasons. The first was to apologize for her comment earlier. And the second: he had jokingly asked for a pony the other day, and when she found a small toy horse carved out of wood, she thought it would make a very amusing gift.

But Oghren wasn't there.

Jenji surveyed the room; as expected she found countless empty bottles of ale, his bed was unmade. None of this was surprising since most of the castle's staff wouldn't even go near the place, let alone clean it, and Oghren certainly wasn't inclined to do so.

What did jump out to her though were two letters lying on the floor. The parchment was slightly crumpled as if someone had read them and not liked what they saw, wadded them up, but later went back to re-read the words. The ink was slightly smeared:

_Oghren,_

_Of all the stupid things you've ever done, this takes the cake. Sometimes I think you make me angry on purpose, like you actually want an excuse to run away. And you didn't even have the stones to say it to my face. Don't even bother to come back, you won't find me. Leaving you the first time was easy enough. Obviously you still haven't gotten over her yet. I try to be supportive, Oghren, but what woman can compare to a Paragon?_

_Let me know when you grow up._

_- Felsi_

The second letter had a much different tone:

_Oghren,_

_When are you coming home? You could be dead for all I know, running off to join the Wardens on a whim. I promise I won't be too mad, just let me know you're okay. I hate sitting here day after day wondering. Do you even care? We had fun, didn't we? I'll admit it: I miss your hairy ass. I miss yelling at you. I miss the make-up sex afterward, if that's not a motivation to come home then I don't know what is._

_I miss you, Oghren._

_Love,_

_- Felsi_

"It's not polite ta snoop through other people's things, you know."

She jumped at the voice, having been enraptured in the letter. Yes, she did know it was wrong, but curiosity had gotten the better of her. She finally understood how Leliana felt the majority of the time.

"Why haven't you said anything about this?"

"Because that's private." he said firmly. "I don't read yer mail without you knowin' and then start askin' about it."

"I'm sorry...it's just..." Jenji didn't know what to say. "She doesn't even know you're alive, Oghren. I don't care what you're running away from, but the Wardens won't make all your problems go away. In fact, they tend to complicate things. You know that. But Felsi needs to know the truth."

"Eh...maybe I could...send a letter or..."

She smiled and handed him the toy horse. "And here's your pony." she added before exiting the room. Jenji thought the conversation had gone pretty well.

Once he was sure the elf was gone, Oghren threw the wooden toy against the wall. But unlike Branka's tiny glass horse figurines, this one did not shatter. It merely laid there, as if dead. It wasn't that he didn't love Felsi, but rather that he couldn't love her in the way she wanted him to.

And, like most days, he needed a drink.

)O(

When Jenji did return to her quarters a certain Mabari hound was waiting for her. Strange, she thought, that the dog hadn't imprinted on Nathaniel since he shared a connection with Adria, or Anders for healing her wounds. No, it seemed out of all the masters the hound could have chosen, she'd picked Jenji. And the Warden could not even begin to imagine why.

A strange day indeed…And as much as she hated the silence, Jenji did take some comfort in the stillness of the evening hours.

"Fereldens and their dogs," Erlina sighed. They still didn't talk about the night before. There was an unspoken agreement between them that nothing further needed to be said. It was also silently agreed that Jenji's bed was open to her should she wish it, and of course, the bard would not deny the offer. Everyone needed a little company on these dark nights; and she was preferable to the dog. So now Erlina's poems lulled her to sleep:

Voici le soir charmant, ami du criminel;  
II vient comme un complice, à pas de loup; le ciel  
Se ferme lentement comme une grande alcôve,  
Et l'homme impatient se change en bête fauve.

Ô soir, aimable soir, désiré par celui  
Dont les bras, sans mentir, peuvent dire: Aujourd'hui  
Nous avons travaillé! — C'est le soir qui soulage  
Les esprits que dévore une douleur sauvage,  
Le savant obstiné dont le front s'alourdit,  
Et l'ouvrier courbé qui regagne son lit.  
Cependant des démons malsains dans l'atmosphère  
S'éveillent lourdement, comme des gens d'affaire,  
Et cognent en volant les volets et l'auvent.  
À travers les lueurs que tourmente le vent  
La Prostitution s'allume dans les rues;  
Comme une fourmilière elle ouvre ses issues;  
Partout elle se fraye un occulte chemin,  
Ainsi que l'ennemi qui tente un coup de main;  
Elle remue au sein de la cité de fange  
Comme un ver qui dérobe à l'Homme ce qu'il mange.  
On entend çà et là les cuisines siffler,  
Les théâtres glapir, les orchestres ronfler;  
Les tables d'hôte, dont le jeu fait les délices,  
S'emplissent de catins et d'escrocs, leurs complices,  
Et les voleurs, qui n'ont ni trêve ni merci,  
Vont bientôt commencer leur travail, eux aussi,  
Et forcer doucement les portes et les caisses  
Pour vivre quelques jours et vêtir leurs maîtresses.

Recueille-toi, mon âme, en ce grave moment,  
Et ferme ton oreille à ce rugissement.  
C'est l'heure où les douleurs des malades s'aigrissent!  
La sombre Nuit les prend à la gorge; ils finissent  
Leur destinée et vont vers le gouffre commun;  
L'hôpital se remplit de leurs soupirs. — Plus d'un  
Ne viendra plus chercher la soupe parfumée,  
Au coin du feu, le soir, auprès d'une âme aimée.

Encore la plupart n'ont-ils jamais connu  
La douceur du foyer et n'ont jamais vécu!


	6. Tradition

**A/N:** I thought it only right to give the unnamed Disciples who fight against the Lost a name, so I called them the Faithful. As always, reviews are much loved!

)O(

_"Tradition is an excuse to act without thinking."_

Reluctantly, Jenji had found herself at Court.

As ruler of these lands, she had the right to high justice, so all cases that couldn't be handled by the authorities had to be brought before her for judgment.

She hated this part. It felt so strange to be sitting here, deciding the fates of people who once would have spat on her just for being what she was because it was their right, and now were begging the elf for mercy.

The first was a nervous man in chains, accused of theft. Alec was a shepherd who had stolen two bushels of grain from the Crown for his starving family. A daring task indeed. It seemed the old paradox really was true; a man _would_ steal a loaf of bread to feed his family.

She knew that, traditionally, he should be executed for his crime. But Jenji had her own principles to think about...and she couldn't help thinking how easily it could have been her begging for her life right now.

But letting him go would make her appear too soft. There had to be a balance between the power she had now and the sympathy she felt for the peasants.

"What are your orders, Commander?"

"Can you fight, Alec?" she asked.

"Well I-I...um..."

"No matter, you will learn." Jenji then turned to Varel and said, "I hereby conscript this man into the army."

"Commander, he _stole_ from the Crown and you are rewarding him?"

"He will be well paid for his service, thus his family will be well fed and he won't need to steal from anyone. I'm giving him a chance, Seneschal, not a reward."

"Thank you," the shepherd said, tears of gratitude welling up in his eyes.

Then there was the case of a soldier called Danella who had abandoned her post in order to protect her family from the darkspawn. Again the paraodx was evident: breaking the law for good reason. But now Jenji was on the other end of it.

Not punishing Danella could lead to further desertions if people began to think it was okay to forget their duties.

But, at the same time, she was reminded of the prisoner at Ostagar. He was a deserter, and yet he hadn't asked for her to release him; all the man had wanted was one last meal before the guard came and sentenced him to death. And she had been more than happy to steal some food and water for him back then...but this was different. This was now. This was a soldier in _her_ army who had willfully abandoned the post she had been assigned to.

"Seneschal, what do you propose I do?"

"Well, Commander...traditionally the punishment for desertion has been death, but the choice is ultimately yours."

_Tradition..._

Tradition cared nothing for circumstance. Tradition cared nothing for the young woman kneeling in front of her now. Tradition was a word invoked whenever one needed an exucse to do barbaric things for no real reason at all.

She was torn between the just thing to do, and the 'right' thing to do.

"No," Jenji said quietly. "Please, Varel...you decide."

And she barely even heard as he sentenced Danella to execution. Guards moved in and dragged her to the dungeon kicking and screaming. _Soldiers...maybe they were her friends._

"Andraste have mercy..." someone uttered.

Somehow it was harder condemning someone to death than it was to kill them herself.

Jenji stood up suddenly, which proved to be a grave error. "I...h-have to go. Excuse me."

She hurried from the room and ducked into the closest corridor, but the weakness made her legs give out and she clung to the wall for support. Then, her back to the stone wall, she sank down to the floor. The world would not stop spinning.

"Commander...!" the sound was distant. At first she could not even tell who the voice belonged to.

"I'm...fine." _Lies..._But she had to remain conscious. There were still more cases to be presented, more verdicts to be made...

...She couldn't do it anymore.

"You are certainly not fine." Nathaniel insisted.

"Doesn't that make you happy?" she asked absently.

"I...no. Of course not. But you're not fine, you're..." He trailed off, searching for the right words.

"Weak?" she suggested.

"No, not at all. Why would you say that?"

"Because it's true." the elf replied, trying to catch her breath. "You look so much like him, you know; your father I mean..."

"You need to rest." he stated, a twinge of anger to his tone.

"I'm fine...or...I will be."

And sure enough, eventually she was. Everything came back into focus once more and she felt as though she could breathe again.

"Nathaniel? What are you doing here?" Jenji questioned, a confused expression on her face. "And what am I doing here?"

And she didn't remember a thing.

Jenji returned to Court even more reluctantly than before, apologizing for her absence.

The next case was regarding Ser Temmerly, a noble who was suspected of murdering the knight who had warned Jenji about the possible conspiracy against her. She had a feeling Esmerelle was at the center of all this, but she wasn't the one on trial here today, so this man would have to do.

"That bitch deserved what she got!"

"Please, settle down, Ser Temmerly." Varel said wearily.

"What are you going to do? You can't prove I had a part in any of this. You drag me in here and accuse me of knowing something about a conspiracy that may or may not even exist-"

"-And the woman who warned me about said conspiracy just happens to wind up dead just as you are seen running through the streets with blood on your clothes? Seems rather suspicious to me."

"Things aren't always what they seem, knife-ears."

Several people gasped, but mostly there was a fearful silence. It was Jenji who spoke first, her voice calm and quiet with the subtle undertone of homicidal rage.

"Tell me what you know about the conspiracy, or you may just have to spend some time in the dungeon until you change your mind."

Temmerly snorted. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"One person has already died today. Ask yourself if this is really worth losing your life over."

"I'll tell you this," he began. "There are certain people who resent what you've done. You killed our Arl and was rewarded with his lands. So these people seek to grab hold of a rare opportunity. If an elf could do it, why not them?" His mouth formed into a mischievous sneer. "Why not, say, me?"

He knew more than he was letting on, but it was unlikely he'd give up any further information unless tortured. Besides, there were other was of procuring information.

"Guards!" she called. "Take Ser Temmerly to the dungeon to await execution, please."

The words sounded hollow.

And he did not put up a fight.

He knew precisely what to expect.

The last case of the day was a simple one. Apparently Arl Howe had neglected to make good on a promise to Lady Liza Packton. She was probably one of his mistresses, and he had sworn to give her land that was already inhabited by another noble. Jenji didn't even have to think about this one.

"But Arl Howe-" Lady Liza argued.

"-Isn't here anymore. You swore an oath of fealty, just like everyone here. You swore that oath to me, not him. He's dead. We have to move on." Jenji interrupted. "Whatever Howe promised you is not in my power to give." _Yes it is... _"And so, the land shall remain the property of Ser Derren."

Of course, she didn't want to be seen as a hypocrite, nor did she want it to look like the only reason she was doing this was because Derren had fought against Loghain during the Blight. The land had been Howe's at the time to do with it what he wished, but because it already had an owner there was no reason to change that now. And of course there would be rumor going around in a week saying that either side had bribed her anyway, so what was the difference?

She was just glad to be done with politics for now.

Amie ran up to her, barking happily.

"Did you have fun?" Anders asked, grinning.

"What do you think?"

Before they left for Amaranthine, Nathaniel managed to seize a moment alone with her.

"Are you sure you're all right?" he asked, careful to keep his voice low enough so they would not be overheard.

"Yes, I'm fine."

Even Amie knew he didn't believe it.

)O(

The story went that two hunters had stumbled across a cave crawling with darkspawn. Luckily they had managed to remain undetected by the creatures and lived to tell the tale. But this matter would require further investigation.

"The darkspawn completely ignored us. It was like they had some place to be. Can you imagine? The Blight's over, isn't it? What could have them so...organized?" It was exactly the question on her mind as well.

The chasm the men had spotted was not a chasm at all, as it turned out, but an entrance to the Deep Roads. Jenji wasn't sure if they were prepared for this. A few of the beasts wandering about the forest they could handle easily enough, but walking right into the heart of the darkspawn lair? It gave her chills.

And they weren't alone either.

A dwarf seemed to have gotten there first and was already battling the creatures. Jenji decided to help, and when the last of them were slain, she realized what she had done.

Jenji had only seen fighting like that once before.

This dwarf was a member of the Legion of the Dead.

"You lost, stranger?" she asked breathlessly.

"Not really." Jenji replied. "Though I can't say I'm completely sure where I am either."

The dwarf, who she now noticed had one of the brands that marked her as casteless, smirked. "Then let me be the first to welcome you to Kal'Hirol, or what's left of it, that is."

_Just look at what tradition has done to her._

"What happened here?"

"Same thing that's happened to the rest of the dwarven cities. But that's not important now." she said. "I'm Sigrun; I was part of a unit of Legionaries sent to clear out this area."

When Sigrun didn't continue, Nathaniel asked, "Where is the rest of your comrades?"

"We're not the Legion of the Living, you know."

_Oh..._

"I'm sorry."

The dwarf let out a bark of laughter. "Why? The darkspawn did this, not you. And even so, they knew what to expect when they joined the Legion, we all did. But..." she looked down. "But we didn't expect there to be so many. We didn't expect them to be so..."

"Organized?" Jenji offered.

Sigrun nodded. "The darkspawn have changed, they're smart now, and they're building an army."

"Then we'll have to do something about that." Anders decided.

"Yes...Sigrun, maybe you should-"

"-I'm not leaving until this is finished. If I die...then so be it."

Jenji sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to change her mind. Sigrun walked towards the entrance to Kal'Hirol before turning around to face her new companions. "Shall we?"

The fortress was huge, difficult to navigate, and populated only by darkspawn...and ghosts. The spirits were forced to go through the circumstances of their deaths over and over and over again. A terrible fate, but it could have been much worse.

Kal'Hirol was being used by the darkspawn to breed an army, that was for certain. The enormous nest was filled with eggs that were larger than Jenji herself, and each one hatched before their very eyes.

"I _really_ didn't need to see what a newborn darkspawn looked like..." Anders remarked.

But something about this just didn't seem...normal.

These weren't darkspawn, at least not exactly; they were something...else.

Sigrun led them down a seemingly endless corridor, only to encounter even more talking darkspawn. But the creatures weren't here to kill the Wardens...they were here to kill each other.

"We will not allow this to continue." one of the beasts was saying. "You have squandered the gift you have been given! He seeks to liberate us, to free us from the cursed song, and yet you fight it!"

But that was all the darkspawn was able to say, because at that moment what appeared to be a giant flaming golem ripped him in half with one swift motion. The ones who followed him backed away a few paces.

"The Faithful will die!" Another one shouted towards what remained of the dead darkspawn's allies. "The Grey Wardens will die! All who oppose her will die!"

_This thing will die_, she thought.

The fiery golem attacked.

That's when she realized the so-called 'Faithful' were on her side. Or perhaps she was on their side, she didn't know. When had all this happened? This war was most certainly not hers to fight.

But she had a feeling all of this had something to do with The Architect.

There was at least ten broodmothers. Memories of the one she had fought in the Dead Trenches came rushing back to her like it was yesterday. She looked over at Oghren to see if he was thinking the same thing. He was.

_Laryn...Hespith..._these ones must have had names at one point as well...and Sigrun probably knew what they were.

_Ninth day, she grins...and devours her kin..._

After the fight, a relieved silence overcame them all. Kal'Hirol was now free of darkspawn, at least for now, and not even the murmur of the spirits could be heard any longer.

"What will you do now, Sigrun?"

"Well...I guess I could always...die later." the dwarf decided. "I mean, it sounds like these darkspawn need to be dealt with so..."

"How would you like to come to the surface?" Anders offered. "We have a sky and some trees up there that are just out of this world."

"I think I'd like that."

"_Great_..." Velanna muttered, quite displeased with the new company.

)O(

Sigrun was just happy to be alive. The surface would take some getting used to obviously, but it could be a lot worse.

Jenji wondered if she had any family somewhere that might miss her. _Legion of the Dead, remember?_

"You're a hero where I come from, you know." Sigrun remarked, cheerful as always.

"You mean Orzammar?"

"Specifically Dust Town." she said. "Everyone knows how you took down Jarvia and her lackeys. You were the talk of the town for quite some time after that. But soon enough the carta had a new leader, even though he had to rebuild from virtually nothing. Not only had most of the members of the carta been killed, but its reputation along with them. It took a while for the new boss to establish connections and fear. I forget his name...Leske or...something like that."

"What happened then?"

"Then I joined the Legion. We don't get much news. But I assume business is the same as it's ever been."

"Oh." Jenji paused, considering how to phrase the question. "I don't mean to pry but...why exactly did you join the Legion anyway?"

"Not for the reason you think." Sigrun replied. "We don't all have a death wish or something. Don't get me wrong, some do, but they usually don't last too long. I...I was a coward. Given the choice between execution and joining the Legion, I chose the option that might give me a chance to escape."

"It did. And hey, we all have a past, don't we?" Jenji smiled warmly.

"Even you, Commander?"

"What, you think I was _born_ as the Hero of Ferelden? Life in the Alienage isn't easy, Sigrun. It's easier than Dust Town, sure, but...yes, I had to do certain things in order to survive, too." The look in her eyes was distant. "And I didn't realize it until now, but I was also given a choice. Execution or joining the Grey Wardens. Take it from me, you're not a coward for wanting to live. Survival is not a weakness." _Now I'm starting to sound like Morrigan..._

"I guess not." she agreed. "We're not so different, are we?"

"I think you'd be surprised."

When they arrived at the Vigil an appalling scene awaited them. A mob of angry peasants was gathered, demanding food. She didn't understand it. She'd sent the soldiers to protect the trade routes because that's what Mistress Woolsey had said was best and now...

This was _her_ fault.

"Uh, Commander..."

"I know," Jenji said quietly. "I see it, too."


	7. Weakness

**A/N:** As always, please review, and merci to those who have. Mind you, this chapter is going to be a little shorter because it was really hard for me to write.

Note: Once again, the poem is called Meditation (Recueillement) and it is also by Charles Baudelaire.

I was asked if some of my own poetry may appear, and while there is certainly a chance of that, it is hard to write poetry that fits the theme of the current situation without it actually being _about_ it. There's also the difficulty with translation as well. So, while it may happen, I can make no promises.

)O(

_"The one who repents, who has faith,_

_Unbroken by the darkness of this world,_

_She shall know true peace."_

_- Transfigurations 10:1_

Erlina was surprised to see her Lady burst into the room that evening, slam the door behind her, and sit down on the bed with her head in her hands. Something about that just didn't seem right.

"Commander...?"

"They were peasants, Erlina...they were like me. They didn't deserve that. All they asked for was food, and I tried...I tried to convince them...not to use violence, but they wouldn't listen!" She spoke through her fingers. Yes, something definitely wasn't right. "They were in no position to defend themselves, let alone attack anyone. And my soldiers..._my_ soldiers wouldn't listen to reason either."

Jenji lay on her stomach, her face buried in the pillow. And Erlina couldn't help but notice that while her armor was covered in blood, her daggers were completely clean. That's when the Orlesian realized she'd been holding her breath.

Her Lady looked like someone who had finally collapsed under the weight of the world. She must have been so tired...

Amie remained at the Orlesian's feet, head between her paws, clearly sensing the sadness that her mistress felt.

Most people would have sung the Chant at that moment - _Maker, though the the _darkness _comes_ _upon me, I shall embrace the Light. I shall weather the storm. I shall endure..._ - Ah, but somehow she knew that wouldn't be of much comfort. And Erlina was _not_ most people.

And so she spoke to her Commander - her _friend_ - in poetry. It was the elf's first language, Orlesian her second. The silence was enveloped in the verses:

"Sois sage, ô ma Douleur, et tiens-toi plus tranquille.  
Tu réclamais le Soir; il descend; le voici:  
Une atmosphère obscure enveloppe la ville,  
Aux uns portant la paix, aux autres le souci.

Pendant que des mortels la multitude vile,  
Sous le fouet du Plaisir, ce bourreau sans merci,  
Va cueillir des remords dans la fête servile,  
Ma Douleur, donne-moi la main; viens par ici,

Loin d'eux. Vois se pencher les défuntes Années,  
Sur les balcons du ciel, en robes surannées;  
Surgir du fond des eaux le Regret souriant;

Le soleil moribond s'endormir sous une arche,  
Et, comme un long linceul traînant à l'Orient,  
Entends, ma chère, entends la douce Nuit qui marche."

When she had finished, the words still hovered in the air, but it wasn't enough for her not to notice that her Lady was weeping. The sobs possessed a distinct sound, only possible when one is trying to hide the fact that they are crying. But the tears told her only one thing, clear as a bell, they said:

_'I can't do it anymore.'_

It was a statement, a fact, as obvious to Jenji as the color of the sky.

And Erlina hated it.

Because it was her duty to make sure that her Lady was safe and content.

It was why she was more than happy to share her bed.

It was why she took to reciting love poems Jenji wouldn't even understand.

Because she cared about her; perhaps even more than she should.

And there was a good chance Jenji knew she had been sent to look after her, but if she did, then she certainly didn't seem to mind.

Eventually the other elf fell into an uneasy sleep, and Erlina sighed. Perhaps things would be better when she woke up...

But a little later there came a knock at the door. She went to answer it, only to realize that it was Nathaniel. Her eyes narrowed.

"What do you want?"

"Oh." He had not expected to see her. "I-I...just...wanted to...see if she was okay."

"Ah, concerned about the well being of your father's murderer?" Erlina folded her arms and glared at him.

"Look, I don't know you, and I haven't done anything to deserve this kind of treatment."

"Except admitting to the desire to kill your Commander." she pointed out.

"She wasn't my Commander yet, and if she has forgiven me for that I see no reason why you can't."

"She does have a remarkable capacity for forgiveness," Erlina allowed. "I, on the other hand, do not."

Nathaniel sighed. "I get it. My father hurt you; he hurt a lot of people. I'm starting to see that he wasn't the man I thought he was. But he's gone now, so please don't hold me accountable for his actions."

The plea was a little too earnest and she found herself unable to be angry with him.

"I suppose I could try."

"Thank you," he said, a smile tugging at his lips. "But you've yet to answer my question."

Erlina had forgotten all about that. "She is resting."

"Good." Now he did smile. "It seems she also has the capacity to accept my advice."

"What?"

"Nothing," Nataniel turned to leave. "Good night, my lady."

She closed the door softly behind him, her heart racing. _Bonne nuit..._

)O(

The next time Sigrun saw her new Commander it was late in the afternoon.

She'd slept away much of the morning hours, and the dwarf still couldn't quite get the taste of darkspawn blood out of her mouth.

The Commander entered the main hall of the keep, and Sigrun was thankful all the bodies have been burned by now. _What a silly thing to do with a corpse_, she thought. But they weren't dwarves...and it's not like the Stone ever meant anything to her anyway.

The Warden must have had a hard night. She appeared almost sickly and it was clear she had been crying at one point; mostly though the elf just looked like she needed a hug. Was that inappropriate on the surface?

_Probably_

She found a book about the Blackmarsh, the place they would be visiting soon. It was fascinating; an old and long forgotten place with a compelling mystery. But the distraction only worked for so long, and eventually Sigrun's attention returned to the Commander.

She was like a ghost...even deader than Sigrun herself. Though her death was only symbolic of course...the elf actually _looked_ dead.

Something deep and secret in her heart had died.

She would be okay though, right? They did have ways of healing things like that...right?

_You can't heal the dead._

No, the elf was just sad because of the peasant revolt yesterday. That was understandable. She would be fine. She was the Hero of Ferelden - unstoppable, invincible - but she was also a person. And what everyone seemed to forget was that, like every person, she had to break sometimes, too.

_Oh, sod it._ Sigrun gave the Commander a great big hug and for a moment thought she even saw the ghost of smile.

"Yay group hug!" Anders exclaimed excitedly.

"Go away, mage." Sigrun growled.

"I think what she needs is some strong ale." Oghren suggested.

"Yes, because that's worked _so well_ for you." Anders replied.

She released the elf, who murmured, "Thank you, Sigrun."

The dwarf grinned at the others. She'd successfully brought the Commander back from the edge of the abyss, and was proud.

_Now to make Velanna a little less grumpy…_

Of course, some things just needed a miracle.

)O(

Jenji would have to do something about the conspiracy against her since it was, like most everything else, a possible threat to her life.

Especially if it had something to do with the peasant uprising, because compared to that, her life was of little importance.

She could always accept the assistance offered by the infamous Dark Wolf, but there were a few problems with that idea. One; he was using _her_ name without permission. _She_ was the _real_ Dark Wolf even if the title meant very little to her. And two; the price for his services was outrageous. At least to her fifty sovereigns was a bit too much.

No, there had to be another way.

But as it so happened, she never got a chance to come up with one, because the conspirators struck first.

Assassins - Antivan Crows - ambushed Jenji while she was alone. That night, in need of some air, she had stepped out onto the battlements. It was quiet here, and she was able to remain mostly concealed in shadow.

Jenji did not think she was a very paranoid person, but she knew someone was watching her closely.

At first her mind did not fully comprehend the arrow that was now sticking out of her shoulder. It took a moment for her to feel the pain, or realize that the blood on her hands was indeed her own.

She went for her daggers, and just as quickly, her assailants sprang from either side.

One archer, one swordsman...

_...Esmerelle..._

It didn't take long for the two assassins to yield, but the noble refused, leaving Jenji with no choice but to slit her throat.

The Crows were expensive, she knew, and apparently despite the conspirators' collective wealth they were still unable to hire the best. These men were not seasoned killers. Maybe they had a death wish.

"I know Esmerelle wasn't the only one behind this," Jenji said, glancing over at the woman's lifeless body. "I want names…_Now_."

"And why would we answer any of your questions?"

"Because you might get to live," she replied. "Or die, whichever you prefer."

There was really no reason to interrogate them. She knew how this worked just as well as they did.

One of the Crows sighed. "We don't know who else was involved. She was the only one who spoke to us directly. She insisted on being there when you...err..._if_ you died."

"We were given the contract and told to return once we had completed it, or else not at all. That was it, nothing more, I swear!" the other one added.

"Who gave you this contract?" Jenji crossed her arms, ignoring her own injuries.

They looked at each other. "...Master Arainai, though I hardly see what difference it makes."

Jenji froze. The pain suddenly intensified and the night became a shade darker than before. If the Crow had said anything else, she wouldn't have heard it.

"You tell Zevran," she hissed, "that if he _ever_ authorizes an attempt on my life again...I will find him, and I _will_ finish what I started that day on The Long Road."

The men ran for their lives.

She could have easily taken her blades and stabbed the two Crows, one in each of their hearts. But it didn't matter. If they were stupid enough to actually go back to Antiva, the Guild would do that for her.

Jenji was shaking with a terrifying mix of adrenalin and anger. It was suddenly very cold, too. Her survival instinct was screaming that she needed to attend to her wounds, but at the same time, a small voice somewhere deep inside urged her to just lie down and be done with it. She'd bleed out and that would be the end. No one had come for her anyway...What if they just didn't care?

_Survival is not a weakness._

Then, she thought of Adaia, and willed her legs to move. Just a little farther and she'd be home. Someone would find her...someone would know...

"Commander!" Erlina rushed to her side impossibly fast. "What happened?"

"...E-Esmerelle..." the Warden breathed. _Falling...Falling...Falling..._

"Oh, just look at all this blood...I swear, sometimes I think you have a death wish." the Orlesian went on. "Look at me. I'm going to get help. Understand?"

She nodded, but by the time Erlina returned with Anders and several other concerned and semi-useful individuals, Jenji was unconscious.

She was home.

She was free.

There was no Light to guide her from the endless darkness this time.

And maybe that wasn't such a bad thing after all.


	8. Miracles

**A/N**: Hello again, folks. I had a lot of trouble with this chapter. I just didn't know if it flowed as it should. Please review and let me know what you think.

)O(

"_Miracles are not contrary to nature, but only contrary to what we know about nature."_  
_  
- Saint Augustine_

The Crows were renowned for their poisons.

This particular poison drained the willpower from its victims, draining them of both the ability and desire to fight off its affects. The toxin's job was then to cripple the immune system, leaving the victim's body unable to heal any wounds or infection. Finally they would slip into a coma, and unless provided with expert medical attention, eventually die.

The venom itself was not lethal, nor was it very potent, it didn't have to be. The key here was cause and effect.

Of course, because the would-be assassins had gotten away, it took a fairly long time for this to be figured out.

By then it was almost too late.

No one could understand why Jenji not only wasn't healing but was actually getting worse.

Anders could only do so much and so - without informing him of course - they sent for a myriad of healers and anyone who might know the slightest thing about poisons. The Circle of Magi had not yet been entirely restored to its former state but, like everyone else in Thedas, still considered itself in debt to the Hero of Ferelden and so they gladly sent whoever they could spare.

Anders was not pleased when he found out.

He'd been the one up all night keeping the Commander alive; he'd been the one constantly by her side for the last week even though the unconscious woman really wasn't much for conversation; she wouldn't have even lasted this long if it weren't for him. And yet they just cast him aside without as much as a word of thanks? It would be nice to get some sleep for a change though.

Did she dream?

He found himself captivated by the idea. What _did_ the Commander dream of? Darkspawn? No; surely she was capable of dreaming up something other than nightmares sometimes.

It was thoughts like these that helped him ignore the fact that she was slowly but surely wasting away before his eyes.

After a while he could no longer convince himself that they'd all have a good laugh about this when she got better...

Everyday she got a little thinner, a little paler, a little...less alive.

_But she's still so beautiful..._

No...She was his Commander. It was wrong.

_I'll probably never get another chance to do this._..

His lips touched hers, and for a second he thought her eyes would snap open, like magic. But of course they didn't. In fact, the only thing that had changed was that now Erlina and a man he didn't recognize were standing in the doorway. The Orlesian's jaw had dropped, but the man's expression was unreadable.

"Did you just kiss my wife?" he asked evenly.

Oh Maker, templars take him now, this was the worst thing he'd ever done. Only now did he notice the ring on her finger.

"Uh...no…?"

He follows Erlina out into the hallway knowing perfectly well that not only was he going to be yelled at - probably in Orlesian - but also that he deserved it. Anders just wanted to get as far away from the Commander and her _husband_ as possible.

He really needed to stop following his heart.

)O(

At first Daveth hadn't believed his eyes.

But it _was_ real, and even though he was not usually a jealous man something about that mage kissing Jenny just drove him crazy.

Anders was lucky he was a mage or else...

But there would be time to plan some torturous method of revenge later. Right now he had to focus on _her_.

"Oh Jenny..." he sighed, speaking to her as if she could actually hear him. "You know, you're lucky we know exactly where Andraste's Ashes are now."

He waited, expecting something..._anything_ to happen.

Nothing did.

But at least she was still breathing.

So he talked about everything, mostly Adaia. He didn't know when but eventually the lighthearted tone changed. "...And I need you, we all need you Jenny. Maker, you just have to wake up, because if you don't...I just can't do this alone."

Slowly - _miraculously_ - her condition began to improve.

She opened her eyes.

"Daveth...?" Her voice was scarcely even a whisper. "Is this the Fade? Am I dead?"

"No," he replied, "I'm afraid we're still in Amaranthine."

And suddenly she started laughing.

"What is so funny?" Daveth asked, grinning.

"I'm alive." she said simply. "I thought I'd be dead, but I'm not. I was so sure I'd wake up and see Mamae and Harvey and Nel-" Jenny stopped speaking abruptly and then said, much softer this time, "I'm alive..."

"Yes, you certainly are."

"Where's Ada?"

"Ms. Kay agreed to take care of her until we got back." he explained. "But don't worry; Leliana is going to check in on her from tme to time."

She blinked. "So...you're staying?"

He kissed her, which was as good an answer as any. He wasn't going to let anything keep them apart again.

)O(

It was with a heavy heart that Erlina had written to Daveth, informing him of what had happened. She knew that things would change now. For one, she would have to retire to her own quarters from now on. But she had to put those feelings aside and do what was best for her Lady. She sighed deeply, her heart aching in her breast for want of something she never really had in the first place.

She'd been fooling herself.

"He seems to make her very happy." Nathaniel said.

"I know."

"And you deserve better anyway."

"I..." _What?_

She turned around only to see him scowling at her.

It would seem _everyone_ had gone crazy.

)O(

Velanna didn't know what to make of this.

In fact, she'd never been more uncertain about anything in her life.

They were not kin. The Commander was not part of her clan, if she even had a clan anymore, and yet she had offering Velanna a place in her order. She did not cower in fear like most flat-ears did. She respected the Dalish elf and all that she stood for. Freedom, pride, dignity...

_Never again shall we submit._

The Commander was not Dalish and yet she lacked none of these qualities. Not only did the shemlen respect her but it seemed she had taken one of them for a lover. A sickening thought to Velanna, but each to her own. It wasn't any of her business.

She couldn't deny that ever since that man had arrived the Warden's recovery had progressed surprisingly quickly. She'd slept for five long days, almost like uthenera - the waking sleep - and it was by the Gods' own luck that she still lived at all.

To her, it wasn't a question of if their leader was capable enough, because she'd proven that already. It was a question of if her recklessness - her heart - would make her do foolish things. The Creators give each person their own set of challenges, the hahren once said, and it was up to them to persevere. But sometimes it seemed the elves had a lot more challenges than everyone else.

The Commander respected her. She respected her need to distance herself from the others - her goal was only to find Seranni.

No one was forcing her to stay, otherwise she wouldn't have.

But at least here she was wanted, accepted, maybe even liked on some level. The Commander was reason enough to stay, perplexing as she was, a woman who had forgotten so much of the Old Ways yet somehow still spoke Velanna's language.

People like that simply didn't exist in her world. The Dalish mage had no choice but to re-examine what she considered freedom - _revas_. Was it hidden deep within a forest? Or perhaps it was a matter of individual perspective?

"Andaran atish'an, Commander," Velanna greeted. It was the first time she had seen the other elf since _that_ night. "Good to see you are well."

"Ah. Hello Velanna." She smiled. "Good to see you haven't given up on me just yet."

"We have a deal." she stated. "We Dalish keep our promises."

"As do we…"

Nothing made sense here. She prefered to believe they were all just crazy.

)O(

She'd had the strangest dream. In it, Daveth was dead and so she and Alistair were the only Grey Wardens left in Ferelden.

It was a nightmare.

Jenji didn't like to think about it. He was _not_ dead, and neither was she. At one point she had even thought that was what she wanted, but it wasn't.

One thing she knew for sure was that there was work to be done. They still had to look in to the matter of the Blackmarsh. And on a different note, she'd been hearing an odd rumor about Anders for days...

When Jenji decided she was done resting, no one could stop her, especially since Wynne wasn't here.

In the end, everyone decided it was best not to over complicate what couldn't be explained.


	9. Justice

**A/N:** I know, right? Such an incredibly creative title I've come up with. Review...?

)O(

_"Without justice, courage is weak."_  
_  
- Benjamin Franklin_

The Blackmarsh was...quite creepy.

Shadows moved through the trees with no apparent cause. The trees themselves seemed to be alive, not in the way that sylvans were of course, but still...

They had come here in search of a Grey Warden by the name of Kristoff who had disappeared somewhere in this area.

It was a common occurrence in the Blackmarsh, as it were.

"It is said that once there was a village here once, ruled by a powerful sorceress." Nathaniel told them. "The villagers rose up against her and everyone just...disappeared one day. No one knows why."

"I think _that_ may have something to do with it," Anders suggested, pointing to something up ahead. It looked like a rip in the very fabric of the world, a window to the Fade. Jenji almost felt...drawn to it somehow, compelled to move forward.

"Setheneran," Velanna said softly. "The Veil is thin here; almost..._too_ thin. It's as if one could simply...slip between the worlds...never to be seen again."

They searched the ruins of the village that had once thrived here, only to find the body of Kristoff. She hadn't expected him to be alive though; these kinds of situations usually didn't end happily.

"You think the darkspawn did this?" Sigrun wondered out loud.

"Perhaps," a voice replied. They all turned to see a hurlock standing before them. "Not that it matters now. It is too late for him, and soon it will be too late for _you_."

"What do you want from us?"

The creature laughed. "I want nothing, but _she_ does. I cannot disobey The Mother. I am her Chosen, the First, and you are on the wrong side, Wardens."

"The Mother..." Jenji tried to put the pieces together. "But I didn't take any side! This was all forced upon me. And how do you know this Mother of yours is right anyway?"

"The Mother is _always_ right." the darkspawn said firmly. "She thought you could be swayed, but you refused to listen to reason, and she got tired of waiting. You allied yourself with the enemy when you killed the Lost and the Children he was sworn to protect."

"He attacked us first!"

"It matters not: The Mother sees you as her opposition and so you _must_ be dealt with!"

This was ridiculous. Jenji was used to _all_ darkspawn being her enemy, and now she had accidentally allied herself with some other faction that had yet to reveal itself to her.

And suddenly they were being forced from their bodies by powerful magic and falling into the hole in the sky. She hated the Fade because there was nothing solid here, nothing real. Jenji was powerless and completely without any control. Everything could change before her eyes simply by some demon willing it to do so. There was absolutely nothing she could do but wait and pray.

But she was not alone.

In addition to her companions it appeared the First had also ended up trapped as well.

Now that she thought about it, this place did hold a striking resemblance to the Blackmarsh, only the village was not destroyed and it was crawling with life. Angry villagers…

And they were angry at the Baroness, former ruler of the Blackmarsh. They had tried to assassinate her and in one last desperate spell she had sent everyone into the Fade with her, imprisoning them all.

History certainly did repeat itself.

"Cruel woman, I have watched you torture these innocent people for too long!" A spirit who also looked to be a warrior was standing with the villagers.

"What are you going to do, spirit?" She was unimpressed. "They are my people. I am the Baroness and this is my domain. You know you are not strong enough to defeat me on your own, don't you?"

"Perhaps not," the spirit conceded, "but I am not alone. These others...they are as trapped as you or anyone else. Together we can end your reign, wicked tyrant!"

Jenji didn't want to get involved, but it seemed that once again her mind had been made up for her.

"What makes you think they are on your side?" the Baroness asked.

"Mine is the side of justice."

Jenji had no choice. It was the right thing to do...wasn't it?

They battled the sorceress until her only hope of survival was to flee from the dream world using the life essence of the First.

"Everyone still alive…?" Jenji asked wearily.

"Yes.' they all said in unison, except one who was too shocked to answer.

Slowly, Kristoff's body began to pull itself up from the ground. Jenji watched in horror, thinking that she would have to kill it.

"This is...not right." Then she realized who it was. "The Baroness must have sent me from the Fade and...bound my spirit to a dead man. It is either a cruel joke or a horrible mistake."

"What are you going to do?" Daveth asked.

"She still lives, I can feel it. The Baroness is here somewhere. I must find and slay her, but I cannot do it alone, especially since I've yet to...adjust to having a physical form. This world is so..."

"We'll all go," Jenji declared. Everyone save for Velanna thought it was a good idea. "But wait, do you have a name? What are you called?"

"I...do not know. I was not born therefore I do not have a name. I am simply a spirit of justice."

"Justice..." she repeated. "We could call you Justice. Do you mind?"

"Not at all," Justice said. "As long as I am in your world I might as well go by your customs of identification as well."

And so they set off in search of their target.

But instead of a powerful sorceress, they encountered a powerful _dragon_. Not only a dragon, mind you, because that would be _too easy_. No, this was a dragon _made_ of lightning. The Baroness could transform into a dragon made of _lightning_.

She had to remind herself that she'd killed three dragons already.

Jenji wanted to scream due to the sheer insanity of this entire situation she had allowed herself to be dragged into by Justice.

)O(

The dragon was a fearsome opponent. She hardly believed that they had managed to wound the creature as much as they had. One final blow would be enough. And so Jenji leapt into the air and struck the beast where its heart would be. But the electricity was harnessed by her dagger and surged through the Warden's body in a gripping wave of terrifying energy, and she fell to the ground with a thud.

The Baroness was dead at last, and suddenly the cave was pitch black. Others had suffered small fractures and other minor injuries but none as severe as Jenji herself. She wasn't moving, and it was too dark to see if she was even alive.

"Velanna, I need some light here!" Anders ordered. The Dalish elf rolled her eyes, not caring if he actually saw her, and summoned a ball of light in her hands.

It was clear just how serious this was. Jenji lay sprawled out on the ground; her eyes had rolled back into her head...

And she wasn't breathing.

Anders worked tirelessly to get her heart started again, pressing on her chest, surrounding her with the familiar blue glow of healing magic. The seconds felt eternal and what little hope remained was quickly draining the longer the Warden stayed..._dead_.

"I should have been the one to slay the Baroness," Justice lamented. "Then I would have simply returned to the Fade. It wasn't her time yet. It is an injustice that someone so young...should die like this."

)O(

Jenji knew this wasn't normal.

She was looking down on her own body, watching as Anders tried to revive her...Daveth could do nothing but stand there helplessly as she slipped farther and farther away from him with each missed breath. Justice felt guilty, and the others weren't much better.

A Veil of Light appeared before her eyes, separating her from the physical world. Something was beckoning her from the darkness, so she hid in what thin slivers of shadow remained, fearing the peace that death had to offer.

Jenji wanted to _stay_. Without knowing why she clung to that thought like a life raft. Somehow it was keeping her from slipping. She _could not_ allow herself to fall, that much she remembered. The specifics were not important right now. She _could not_ let go.

Jenji was beginning to forget things. The details seemed hazy, escaping her grasp, but she knew they were there. She knew that somehow she would claw her way back...she always did. And yet, that same wicked little voice deep down inside of her was saying that it was okay to drown...

No...it wasn't speaking...it was...

Singing...? _Oh Maker_..._No!_

Something snapped as she realized for the first time what the voice was. Jenji felt angry...

After all it had taken from her, now...this...

No...

_You will not have power over me…Never again. I shall not bend to your will. I shall not fall for your tricks. I will not play your games, creature!_

_**Pity...**_

)O(

"I've got a pulse," Anders said almost as if he didn't completely believe it. "She's alive!"

At first her breathing was shallow and she slipped in and out of consciousness. They hurried back to Vigil's Keep where it would be easier to care for her.

"What happened...?" Jenji asked once she was finally lucid enough to form complete sentences.

"You got electrocuted by a dragon and were technically dead for...longer than anyone should be." Anders explained.

"Oh..."

A few hours later she was feeling much more like herself.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Commander." Sigrun smiled brightly. "You seem to be having more brushes with death than, well, you know..."

She did.

"Aye, if I hadn't seen ya take down the archdemon I might actually have been worried." Oghren chimed in.

"We're all very glad that you're all right, Jenny." Daveth added, kissing her lightly on the forehead.

But she had only one thought on her mind at that moment: the archdemon.

)O(

"You saved my life."

Anders looked up from petting Ser Pounce-a-lot. The Commander was standing there, her expression unreadable, eyes unblinking.

"Well that dragon-"

"-I'm not talking about that." she cut him off. "Don't get me wrong, I'll never be able to repay you for what you did today, but that's not what I meant. You didn't give up on me. For five days you stayed by my side and did everything you could. You saved my life...and I just wanted to thank you."

"Happy to help," he smirked.

"Daveth told me what happened the day he arrived," she continued. And then she had to say the three words he'd feared most since that day, spoken with exactly the right mix of confusion and anger he had anticipated: "You kissed me."

An awkward silence passed between them.

"...Are you mad?"

To his horror, she began to laugh.

"Not really. It's not like I ever told you I was married." She paused, frowning. "That wasn't fair to you, Anders, and I'm sorry. You've done so much for me. I know I don't deserve your friendship or your trust but-"

"Commander," the mage held up a hand. "Shut up, please."

"Sorry..." Jenji sighed, frustrated with herself.

"Listen, you _can_ repay me," he said. "Just don't let your husband murder me in my sleep and then bury my remains in ashallow grave somewhere or ship me off to Par Vollen wearing nothing but my smallclothes."

"I promise," she said, smiling. "But I warn you: he is _very_ persuasive. Once he convinced Alistair to put on a dress and, well, it was quite a sight really."

"Wait, _King_ Alistair?"

She nodded, "The very same."

They both laughed uncontrollably. It was good to be alive.

)O(

Far away and deep underground a mother was mourning the loss of her child.

"They killed the First!" the broodmother wailed. "_Killed_ him…"

"I am very sorry, Mother."

"No! This _cannot_ go unpunished!" The Mother insisted. "They must pay for his death just as The Father will. Summon the Herald and tell him to prepare our forces. We shall _burn_ the city and crush the castle to _dust_. Leave them with _nothing_! The Wardens shall be merely ashes when all is done!" She cackled, madness practically dripping from her lips, and then she began to sing. "Ashes, ashes, they all fall down!"

The messenger left her then, fading back into the shadows.

_Father, forgive me..._

)O(

She could still feel the slight tingling in her veins, making it virtually impossible to sleep.

"I don't know where I'd be without you, Daveth," she was saying. "I don't like to think about it."

"Then why do you?"

"I don't know." Jenny half smiled. "I guess I'm just crazy."

He held her closer. "You're not crazy," he said. "Crazy people never question their sanity. So that would make you...less crazy than most actually."

"I never thought of it that way..."

As she fell asleep, Daveth reached over to make sure her heart was still beating. It never hurt to be careful.

He didn't like to think about where he'd be without her either, but he had come awfully close to finding out today. _Too close..._

Maybe they were both a little crazy.


	10. Intentions

**A/N:** The sequence of events is a little odd here. It's not exactly in chronological order. I think you can figure it out though. Please review and let me know if you have any questions.

)O(

_"Remember, people will judge you based on your actionns, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg."_

Vaguely she wondered if this was the end.

Would baby Adaia remember her? Would Mamae be proud? How could she leave them all behind?

The Mother just kept laughing.

If the darkness was the only thing keeping her alive, so be it. At least that was something. Leliana called it faith, yes, that was it. Jenji had faith.

Amaranthine was already half turned to dust beneath their feet, but they would fight, because they had to. This was her city and these were her people. But she feared the force behind all this destruction. The Mother, it was called, somehow hoped to prevail where the archdemon failed.

If only it were that simple.

No war is ever won without sacrifices, causalities, this she knew. The cost of stopping the Blight had been staggering, but the price could have been even higher. And now some insane broodmother threatened to unravel everything she had worked so hard to protect.

Yet as they descended deeper into the cavernous horrors of the Deep Roads, that even now mirroed the growing darkness in her bones, Jenji couldn't help but feel as though she wasn't going to walk away from this. The Maker hated selfish heroes. There was only room in His heart for one; a warrior with the voice of an angel, or so the story went.

A few more steps and she'd probably go insane, too.

)O(

Erlina assured her the smoke on the horizon was an illusion caused by the storm. Apparently it had been known to lead many ship captains to their peril.

But Jenji was certain it was real. It looked like the very curve of the earth itself was ablaze..

And in a way, it was.

A man had sprinted all the way from Amaranthine. His clothes were soaked with rain and blood and he was gravely wounded. It was truly remarkable that he had made the journey at all, let alone managed to escape.

"I barely made it out," he rasped. "They kill you on sight. Hunt you down like animals, but they're supposed to be the animals, aren't they?"

Anders tried to heal the man, his efforts in vain. It was clear he had already accepted the fact that he was going to die.

"I had to run...I had to...Everyone said the Wardens could save us, that you would know what to do...We all prayed for a miracle..." He shut his eyes tight and took a deep breath. "They weren't far behind me...the darkspawn...are coming here, to the keep...You have to be ready, Commander."

"Are there any survivors?"

"Most of them are still trapped within the city, either unable or too afraid to leave…The chantry...that's where you'll find them. It's the only safe place left, but not for long..." Suddenly he doubled over in pain and the blood gushed from his abdomen. "Please, Commander..." the man said through gritted teeth, "...save them!"

Then everything went gray as their only link to the outside world was cut, his spirit's ties severed by some distant entity of the Fade.

Everyone continued to silently absorb the information. A small blond maid with eyes like a waterfall offered a quiet prayer to Andraste:

"'Here lies the abyss, the well of all souls.  
From these emerald waters doth life begin anew.  
Come to Me, child, and I shall embrace you.  
In My arms lies Eternity.'  
Thus spoke Our Lady Andraste, Bride of the Maker."

"So let it be." replied a few other solemn voices, completing the rite.

Now it was off to war.

)O(

"You feel it, don't you?" The Architect asked her. "The poison that courses through your veins as we speak, singing to you. It is the same song that has enraptured my brethren for centuries, the same song The Mother so desperately clings to." He paused, and then spoke much softer. "Do you not feel it? The voice that whispers from within your daggers; they are but a vessel. The creature still lives. In the end, its corruption calls to us all just the same. The Blight is as much a cure to my people as it is to you. But I can end it."

Some darkspawn talked too much.

"You will never be seen as equals, you know." Jenji replied. "People can't exactly spend centuries hating something purely on the principle that it is the embodiment of evil and then one day just start to accept it simply because it can talk. You'll never be wanted in this world. Humanity will never see you as anything more than vermin."

Jenji thought she saw the darkspawn flinch.

"Maybe not," The Architect conceded. "But anything is preferable to the existence we have known. I would rather the freedom to choose my death than be forced to wake another dragon from its sleep and have to watch as the Blight ravages the land."

"Wait..." she must have heard that wrong. "..._You_ started this? _You_ are responsible for the Blight?"

She was a Grey Warden, and he certainly looked a lot like a darkspawn to her.

"I seek to create a version of your Joining using Grey Warden blood. It was not my intention to wake the beast. We have a common goal, do we not? I can help you to defeat The Mother, and in exchange, you allow me to continue my research." _And accidentally start another Blight in the process?_ _I don't think so._

She didn't know why she was even listening.

There could be no peace between good and evil. Maybe things weren't that black and white, but even so, neither side was ever going to be able to bury the hatchet. If not the darkspawn, then who was there left to blame?

The Blight truly did bring people together.

)O(

They had to move fast.

"Voldrik, will the walls hold?"

"Aye," the dwarf replied. "An ogre could pound at our defenses until it died of exhaustion and only leave a scratch."

She nodded. "Good. Now, we'll need to split up. Some of you will go with me into the city while the others stay here and defend the keep."

Justice spoke up. "Someone must help those people. I should defend Amaranthine."

"All right," Jenji allowed. "Justice, Anders, Sigrun, and Daveth: you're coming with me. The rest of you will have to stay behind."

"Ma nuvenin, Commander," Velanna said. "Dareth shiral." She was too proud to say what she really wanted to.

"I'm still going to keep my promise. I will find Seranni." At least her heart was in the right place.

"Sometimes I think you have more hope than I."

To her surprise, Erlina did not protest. Oghren seemed a little disappointed. And even if neither of them would admit it, Nathaniel knew why she wasn't taking him with her. He would be too distracted anyway worrying over the fate of his sister, Delilah, the only family he had left in the world.

"Commander," Varel called, "the darkspawn will be upon us shortly. If you intend to make it to Amaranthine in time, I suggest you leave now."

"We are far sneakier than any mere darkspawn."

They trudged through the mud in silence. It was still raining and the only light was a fiery orange glow as they drew closer to the city. The smoke burned her eyes and snaked its way down her throat, making her cough. Amaranthine looked like a ghost town. Darkspawn were scouting out survivors who were trapped or hiding beneath the rubble, then killing them, while several hurlocks pounded away at the chantry door. She knew that soon the barrier would break and all hope would be lost.

Jenji killed the hurlocks, buying herself some time.

"Who's out there?" a voice on the other side of the door demanded. "Are you a darkspawn?"

"No...I am the Warden-Commander, and I've come to help."

"Really…? You haven't forgotten us? I knew it! Oh thank the Maker, we're saved!" A moment later she was ushered into the building and out of the chaos. There were more of them than she had expected. Anders tended to the wounded and everyone seemed to relax now that the Wardens had arrived.

"Maker bless you," the priestess said as she led them through the rows of now homeless refugees. "We had almost lost our faith." Jenji resisted the urge to roll her eyes at that.

"Kristoff...?" A woman asked in a small voice. She was sitting on the ground with her knees brought up to her chest. Upon seeing Justice, her eyes widened. And that's when Jenji understood.

The woman, who they would later learn was named Aura, shrieked and stood up. She looked like she wanted to hit something or cry.

"I am sorry," Justice apologized. "Have I frightened you?"

"What are you?" Aura wailed. "What have you done to my husband, you...you _demon_!"

The priestess tried to comfort her but she would have none of it.

"I am not a demon," he replied calmly. "I am a spirit of justice."

"Justice is it?" she asked furiously. "What about justice for him? What did he ever do to deserve this?"

He sighed. "I never intended for this to happen..."

But that didn't change anything, and people were starting to take notice of the scene that was unfolding before them.

Suddenly the door flew open, right off its henge, and there stood the giant and powerful form of an ogre. The beast snarled as it towered over them. Everyone save for Jenji and her companions cowered in the dark shadow of its massive form.

The ogre let out a terrifying roar and puffed out its armored chest, brandishing its great horns in a threatening manner.

"That's enough!" a hurlock barked, stepping out from behind its much larger comrade. "Our orders were only to talk with them, and you've gone and frightened them half to death."

The ogre responded with an apologetic grunt.

"Well you should be ashamed, you great brute." The darkspawn continued to scold, much to the ogre's dismay.

No one dared to speak.

"Please forgive us, Wardens. My friend here may have regained his mind, but he is still not the most intelligent of creatures." His was almost a nervous smile. "We have come on behalf of The Architect. He wishes to speak with you face to face."

"I...see." Jenji thought about this offer. "And if we refuse to go with you?"

The ogre's low and dangerous growl was as good an answer as any.

The followed the darkspawn out of the gaping hole that had once been the entrance to the chantry. Aura still appeared to be in shock, as did many other citizens. At least Delilah was still alive. There was hope yet.

"And what do we call you exactly?" Anders wondered. "The others...of your kind have all had names."

The hurlock seemed slightly taken surprised by the question, but then smiled, a twisted attempt at a smile though it was. "You may call me the Messenger."

They headed away from the city, their faces smeared with ash. Jenji shivered when she realized the Messenger was leading them into the Deep Roads. There was no doubting it. She could sense the corruption getting closer; her blades seemed to hum a low and beautiful melody...

"Are you sure about this?" Daveth asked in a whisper.

"I'm not sure of anything anymore."

He took her hand and they entered the darkness together, ignoring everything but what was right in front of them.

)O(

"You want to take the music away from me, do you?"

The Mother lunged at her again, but this time Jenji was knocked back a good distance. She could feel the bones breaking, the warm blood flowing from her wounds and onto the floor. She no longer cared about the song, or the darkspawn, or even her broken promise to Velanna.

Intriguing lights danced before her eyes…then she realized they were stars and suddenly the light didn't seem so bad.

A horrid shriek broke the silence she hadn't even been aware of. The Mother was dead, finally dead. For some reason she could never fully understand after the fact, Jenji tried to stand up then. But the dizziness resulting from the blood loss was overwhelming and it felt like there was something attempting to break through her skull from the inside.

She fell backwards, but as always, Daveth was there to catch her. The elf's body went limp and she leaned against him, closing her eyes.

"Daveth…" she murmured wearily, "…I wanna go home."

"Soon, Jenny, very soon…"

Then there was darkness.

And all she wanted was to see the sun again.


	11. Heroism

**A/N:** Again, I must thank all of my readers. I also should apologize for the delay. I've had the hardest time with this. I know it doesn't seem like much, but you wouldn't believe how long it took me to finish. I think part of me didn't want it to end.

)O(

_"That's what it takes to be a hero, a little gem of innocence inside you that makes you want to believe that there still exists a right and wrong."_

Esmerelle had been right: Amaranthine would take decades to rebuild, and even then it may never be restored to its former glory. A city torn apart could not be put back together very easily. At least the keep had withstood the attack. That was something. It was well worth the price.

Jenji hated to leave Nathaniel with the difficult task of reconstructing both the arling and the order. That was her job, and she had failed. It was up to him now. He would make a better commander anyway. He had the motivation, love for his homeland. He would not see it fall apart like this.

Anders wanted to see the world, take advantage of his freedom while he had the chance. No one could deny him that, but he still had a bet to settle with Oghren. What a fool he was to even dream that he could drink the dwarf under the table. He would learn that, in time.

Velanna had vanished. This was not surprising since she did have her own reasons for fighting, after all. She refused to rest until she and Seranni were together again. She had a purpose, and she didn't strike Jenji as the type for long, tearful goodbyes.

Sigrun, on the other hand, had no purpose. Jenji hoped the dwarf would stay and serve with the Grey Wardens for a few years at least, but she belonged to another ancient order already. Despite her usual cheerfulness and humor, Sigrun took the Legion, darkspawn, and her symbolic death very seriously. In the end she decided her life was better spent on the front lines in the Deep Roads than waiting around for another Blight to threaten the surface.

Justice vowed to put things right again, and eventually returned to the Fade. Aura could now mourn her husband properly. Though Justice could have used his physical form to puruse many worthy tasks, he did not wish his existence to cause anyone unnecessary pain.

The day had come for Jenji and Daveth to return to Denerim.

"Erlina, aren't you coming along?" she asked. The bard had no bags with her and was in no way prepared for traveling.

"I think...I will stay, for now, with your blessing of course." Erlina replied nervously, glancing back towards Nathaniel, who was smirking.

"As you wish." the other elf shrugged. "I'm not your Commander anymore. What you do now is your choice."

"But..." Erlina nodded, "Yes, as you say."

As the ship moved farther and farther away from the shore, Jenji watched the fog swallow them up. It hadn't been a dream. She'd won.

"Are you sad to leave them, love?" Daveth asked.

"I shouldn't be, but I am."

She would not return. That much was certain.

Yes, the elf decided, maybe she _would_ miss it after all.

)O(

Even the king was waiting to greet their hero.

"Welcome back," he said. "Denerim has missed you. I trust the situation in Amaranthine has been resolved?"

"Yes, though the cost was very grave."

Alistair frowned. These were discussions for another time. For now, Jenji was swept up in the joyous welcome of her city. Hope had returned to Denerim. Alistair, Wynne, Ms. Kay, Leliana, Shianni, Soris; they all had come to greet her.

"Leliana, do you think you could teach me Orlesian?"

"Of course I can! The only question would be where to start."

"I was thinking...poetry." Jenji replied with a grin.

"Poetry?" the bard asked in confusion.

"Poetry." the elf confirmed.

"Poetry it is then!"

)O(

Her tale was over. It was up to those who came after, those who aspired to find the deeper meaning of it all, to take from it what they will. But there was nothing more to tell. It is simply one of many stories. There was no fathomable reason why fate should have chosen her over anyone else.

And without him, she was nothing.

Jenji prayed that Adaia would grow up to be something more than just the Hero of Ferelden's daughter. It was on a whim, a leap of faith, that she had decided to love the child as if she was her own. They had become a family.

This was as much as history would record. In time, the collective attention span of Thedas would shift and all of it would be forgotten. It was what she wanted.

_**End...**_


End file.
